Monthly Archives: June 2014

Letting Go

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Sometimes I wonder

Sometimes I think about you and wonder what life would be like with you here. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if you choose to be apart of my life like fathers do. I look in the mirror and wonder what part of me is you. I imagine my big blue eyes come from you or perhaps my jaw line. I think of all the things we could have done like fathers do.

I wonder if you’d be proud of the person I’ve became. I wonder if you’d be proud to say that you were glad to call me son like fathers do. I imagine you would have been grateful to know I went and got an education or even took the family name to places it’s never been before. How you would have been when I won a race or even got an a in school like fathers do.

Sometimes I wonder what our father campouts would have been like. Would we have had a nice tent that actually stayed up through the night? What it would have been like to not share a tent or be the third wheel to another’s moment to grow closer. I often think I would have perhaps made it through the scouting program if you were here to help me earn a badge like fathers do.

I wonder why you choose to leave and not have any part of me. I wonder what was great in your life that caused you to do something that other fathers do. I think of all the struggles that came from my mom trying to do her best but just couldn’t give what fathers do. I think of all the tears in the mirror knowing you choose to leave. Yet I don’t have a picture to call you by face but sometimes I wonder what you be like.

Sometimes I wonder if I can can ever solve this creator you caused. Sometimes I think I’d be better off with you in my life. I don’t know what life would be like if you were here to do what fathers do. However, your not and I must continue on ward in this life. I have to hold my head held high and let you go like my father did.

I wonder if you think about me. If you want to be apart of my life like fathers do. I wonder if I ever play a part in your life at all. I wonder if you look in the mirror and try to see what part of you is me. If you ever have a desire to do what fathers do. I wonder if you ever want that chance to have me in your life at all.

Sometimes I wonder if you ever loose sleep thinking about me. I wonder if you ever want to even know my face. If you want to know what I’ve chosen to make out of my life. I tell myself you think about me and even say a prayer for my name like fathers do.

I wonder if I’ll really stop thinking about you. If I’ll just realize that your never going to be around like fathers do. I come to learn what not to do. I’ve learned how not to replay the cycle. I know your gone and that’s ok. You’ll never here and I’ve come to be ok with that. For whatever reason you left is yours but as for me, I know now how to find joy with out. Just sometimes I wonder….

 

As I face my problems, I am learning to let go of the things that hold me back in life. I am learning to give everything up that I hold deep inside me. I’m hoping to let things go and to give it all up.

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Safe and Sound

There are times in life where God knows just what to say or bring to us to have his love in our life. There are times in my life where I worry about if things are going to be ok. I worry about the next phase in life and what the final outcome is going to be. There have been trying times where I just want God to make everything better. I feel that when we get revelation it comes gradual. Its never all at once. Rather its just enough to make it through to the next step in life. For me, peace and comfort can be found through a simple song: Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift.

When this song first came out, it was given to me to find peace and hope in the biggest trial of my life. It was given to me in the very hour that I needed it. Sadly for my roommates, I held on to this and played it way more than what was needed. It became a sense of peace to know that I was going to be Safe and Sound. I knew that God had given it to me in that very moment for a reason and I was so grateful.

On mission, I am not allowed to listen to music so I that I can give my all to the Lord. However, the Lord knows me well and has given it to me in the very minutes that I have needed it. When I’ve hit that breaking point, it will either find a way to be played in my head or in a car passing by. It is then followed by the spiritual confirmation that I am going to be ok. That the Lord is there for me.

Last night, I was given this song in the wee hours of the morning. I couldn’t sleep. I tried so hard and yet nothing came from it. When I did get to sleep, it was not good at all. So I turned to my father in heaven. I began to read the scriptures. I realized that the Lord is mindful of me in my trails. There at three in morning, it played for me. In the middle of the night, I could hear God telling me that I was going to be safe and sound. That this next obsticle can and will be overcomed. The spiritual confirmation while reading the Book of Mormon was amazing. I know that the Lord is there for us. He knows actually what to say to show his love for us. I know that I will be safe and sound.

 

“Just Close Your Eyes

You’ll Be Just Fine

Come Morning Light

You and I will be Safe and Sound”


What is Love?

What is Love?

Love, what is this thing that everyone so yearns for? What is this thing that the world needs more of? Everyone is always talking about how they look so hard to find it, and then when they have, they loose it. Does anyone truly know what this thing is?

I began today in a rather different turn than usual. Instead of diving straight into the Book of Mormon, I turned to the topical guide in my bible. There lies a page with the word love on the top. In fact this word appears 217 times in the bible and 41 times in the Book of Mormon. I feel like this word is rather important to say the least. Good old Webster told me that it is “an intense feeling of deep affection.” This made me think of the worldly aspect of love. The love we all wanted to have in high school. The love that is not really love at all but rather is more lust.

Jesus Christ taught that the greatest commandment is to “love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. And the second is to love thy neighbor as thyself” ( Matthew 22:36-39). We have been told that we must love with all our heart, soul, and mind. I read this as we need to show a deep connection and intense feeling with everything we have towards God and everyone else.

I feel that true love can be defined in the Book of Mormon, and I’m not talking about that love we all thought we had and felt in high school, rather true love that others can see. In Moroni 7:47, it reads, “charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever…” Charity is when we are willing to help those in need. It’s when we show a kindness and tolerance towards others. It is when we give up of our self to give others the chance to have better. Jesus Christ was the best example of this. He allowed himself to give everything he had for the sake of mankind. He died so man can live. This is true love. Looking on the other aspect, God showed his charity to his children by allowing Jesus Christ to die. “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16). God loved us so much that he gave the greatest thing to all mankind so we could all live with him again.

Love is when we give up ourselves or the thinks that our precious for us so that we can better someone else’s life. Love is sacrifice. My mom is truly an amazing example of this. The love that she has shown me in my life is incredible. She gave up everything she had to make sure her kids were taken care of. She worked two jobs and sacrificed time for me and my sisters. She put so many things on hold because she wanted to make sure her children’s needs were met. Growing up, I felt she didn’t have time for us because I didn’t understand. I didn’t realize that the reason she couldn’t make my soccer game is because she was working harder so I could play soccer. She was working so I could have chances and blessings in life. The many sacrifices she made was pure love.

Many of us feel that we must find love. Some will spend their whole life searching for it and never find it. To these people, I say they are wrong. One must first give a little love in order to gain a little love. Love will find us, we can’t go searching for it. Through our efforts of helping others and living a Christ like life, we can find the love that we all yearn to have in our life. We will find a love that will be eternal.