Monthly Archives: February 2018

Wildflowers

Like Adele, I love trilogies. I feel that there is nothing better than getting lost in a good trilogy. Recently, I found out that the Amazing Spiderman movies were supposed to be a trilogy, but was stopped due to Disney. For some reason, this upsets me.  If you’ve been following my blog lately, I told you about the number one asked question in my life in the Mystery of Love. Then, in Love, Love, Love; I told you about the second most asked question in my life right. Well, to bring this full circle, I’ll let you in on the third most asked question of my life: what is the theme song of your life?

Music has become a huge part of my life. I listen to it when I’m happy, sad, depressed, angry, studying, or just to pass the time away. There is very limited time in my day to day life where I am not listening to music. So, if there was a soundtrack of my life, it would be Wildflowers by Tom Petty.

Tom Petty was a large part of my upbringing. My 80’s mother was in love with Tom Petty, he is her favorite artists of all time. We listened to Tom Petty like he was going out of style. I remember she would rewind or fast forward the tap while driving just to jam out to her favorite songs. I don’t think there was a month where we didn’t listen to Tom Petty. I can remember the volume would be blasted and my little self would sing every word to all his hits. Tom Petty truly is a legend and a big part of my life.

Wildflowers is by far my favorite Tom Petty song. I love the message that Petty is telling the world. Though its intentions are to be a love song for saying goodbye to a lover, I think that it gives me hope that the future can bring about anything that I desire and want. My favorite part is when it says to “let your heart be your guide.” I feel that my life has always been to please others and not myself. I’ve done everything with the thought of how it will impact those around me. I never truly do anything for me. I forget that I can do what I want to do as well. I can be free and explore the world around me. Anyone that truly knows me, knows that my life goal is to own a sailboat. Tom sings that “you belong in a boat out at sea.” It reminds me of my life goal. It is still in my grasp and attainable.

This song is a bookend to most major events in my life. It was the last song played on my IPod when my family made the big drive to drop me off at college in Montana. It was also the last song that came across my truck’s stereo when I drove out of Montana back into Washington. When I drove into Washington again, it was blasting on the radio. When I dropped my bags on the bedroom floor in Provo, it was the first song that I listened to as I unpacked, nervously. When I switched apartments in Provo, I again unpacked while listening to Wildflowers. I plan on finishing my time in Provo by listening to it.

May Tom Petty rest in peace. I  will continue to look for the wildflowers in life. Wildflowers truly is a song that embodies everything in my life. May it bring you hope as well.

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“You belong among the wildflowers
You belong in a boat out at sea
Sail away, kill off the hours
You belong somewhere you feel free

Run away, find you a lover
Go away somewhere all bright and new
I have seen no other
Who compares with you

You belong among the wildflowers
You belong in a boat out at sea
You belong with your love on your arm
You belong somewhere you feel free

Run away, go find a lover
Run away, let your heart be your guide
You deserve the deepest of cover
You belong in that home by and by

You belong among the wildflowers
You belong somewhere close to me
Far away from your trouble and worry
You belong somewhere you feel free
You belong somewhere you feel free”

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Love Love Love

I think I just heard my heart sing love, love, love.

I’m currently siting in class and I received a farewell text from one of my favorite individuals. As I sit here thinking about my actions lately, I can’t help but feel love. I started to prep those around me for my departure. I know that I will be leaving this place I call my home. I’ve known since August that I will be gone. So, I’ve begun preparing those around that I will be gone. However, I feel that I am more preparing myself for this grand adventure that will be taking place in my life.

Next to my dating life, I get asked on what is next in my life. People are all curious to know what I will be using my degree for and where I will be off to next. I would like to inform the world that I have a plan!!! I know what I will be doing (You have no idea how excited that is to say!). Unfortunately, I will not be indulging that information to the world just yet. Rather, I want to keep it pure and just for me. I want to bask in the joy that this next step is for me and all for me. Every move in my life, the Lord has told me where to go. This time, he let me choose. As nerve wracking that was, it’s nothing but joy. The adventure of finding the next step has been one for the books.

Let me take you on my adventure. The past couple of months, I have applied for anything and everything. I have pictured my life in different aspects of the world and in various roles for different companies. I have allowed for each option to be on the table. Nothing has gotten written off until I have come to learn that I will not be happy in that position or given the word no. I have allowed for others to come to me too. For example, a company found this blog and approached me to be a content marketer for them. In this process, I have been rejected more than once. The word no has been something that I’ve allowed myself to become adapted to hearing. My creative outlook has been told to be unoriginal and dull in some companies. I’ve been told that I am better on paper than in person. I have been told that I will never make in the digital marketing world. I think my favorite is when I was told that I didn’t look my Facebook photo from a company. I’ve allowed the word no to shape me into this confident person.

Three weeks ago, Dr. Letty Workman, my mentor and idol, helped me to explore more options in life. She expanded my mindset and helped me to create a ten-year plan, even. I have a debt that I will never ever be able to repay to her. This plan has helped me to get a focus and direction and to know what I really want to go after. I’ve been able to wipe somethings off the table. Though, there are about three players left on the table, I’ve never been calmer about the future. I have a new-found love for what is next. I’m truly excited and love the adventure that I will be embarking on. It will shake the world and many will disagree with it, but I am ready to leap forward to it. I what will truly make me happy in this world. It is time to face my fears.

As I sit on this train, my heart is full of love for those that have touched my heart in Provo. The good, the bad, the ugly, the laughs, and the in-betweens have all shaped me to be the person that I am today. Provo, Utah has a piece of my heart! I dread the day that I will have to look out of my door and the Y won’t be there. The dating capital of the world has left the biggest impact on my life, larger than my mission. It has been the Saturday nights of just watching movies with friends and laughing till all of us need to go to bed. It’s the moment where you ask the cute girl in the ward out three times and she says no every time (and before you ask, this did happen to me). It is the moments of stress and frustration. It is the moments where you longboard down the streets with your home girl till she falls off and skids her knee. It is the moments where you cry your eyes out because of a relationship has ended. It is in the moment where you are home teaching about flirting and you have everyone in the room role play how to flirt with girls. It is in the moment of seeing your best friends walk in the classroom door each night, excited to see you. It is in the moments where you know you have lost your best friend. It is in the moment when you tell the girl no for the date. It is in the many, many, many sporting games. Nothing beats sitting in institute with your friend and your stake president is discussing the weird topics of intimacy in marriage. Provo has a piece of my heart that can never be replaced. I know that I will be sad when I say goodbye to it. So, rather than cut it off like a Band-Aid, I’ve been preparing my heart to get broken. I’ve been scared to start a new life and become fresh. I am ready for it though. My growth has come to a hindrance. There are just a few things left for me to wrap up here. In a few months, I will have accomplished those things and my adventure will continue.

Lastly, I have much love for the last few months here. I am excited to embark on the next chapter but I’m more excited to make the most out of what is left for me here. I am excited to live to the fullest. I am excited for the few all-night study cram sessions that are upon me. I am excited to get rejected from the next cute girl that I ask out. I am even more excited to go on a date with a cute girl and have it go very well. I am excited to watch the finishing touches to be placed on my final projects in school, work, and life. I am excited to take this time and fully cherish it! To cherish it to the fullest. I will never be given the experiences that I have in Provo again. I can’t wait to take advantage of them. So, yes, I will be getting the big cupcake at the Mighty Baker and I will hike the Y at least ten more times. I will longboard the canyon with my home girl and I will laugh with my roommates. I will put all my efforts to pushing to the end!

So yes, I did hear my heart sing LOVE LOVE LOVE! 

 

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The Mystery Of Love

When I started this blog, I was on a personal journey to find love from my savior, Jesus Christ. I was a lost and confused missionary that just wanted to know what it was like to experience the love that individuals that I looked up to so fondly spoke about. Little did I know that I would not only find the love of the Savior, but I would also find ways to heal my biggest insecurities with the help of my savior. When I came home from my mission, I used this blog as a way to love myself again. Again, I was lost and confused about who I was and what I wanted to do with myself. I used this blog as a sounding board to find true love for myself and the situations around me. I had to rediscover my purpose and focus in this crazy world. I moved to Provo, UT and hated it. So, what did I do? I started blogging satires on Provo; and in doing so, I found myself falling in love with this weird town.

My own personal love life has seemed to be the conversation of most topics these days. Unfortunately, my own personal love has yet to be solved in the realms of this blog. However, my love life seems to give me quiet the reputation in life. Moving to Provo with a broken heart, I choose to embrace the Provo culture and dive head first in the land of dating. I met some really inspiring and wonderful girls from this. I went from the shy quiet boy towards girls to the fella with the hella good hair to the man whore to the quiet dater. I have found myself falling in love and getting my heart broken. I have cried, been angry, and even found joy in dating. I have had self-doubts in dating lectures that I will never be one to get married to the one that has set goals to dating. I’m told that I am a bit of a heart breaker and that girls should stay clear from me. Three dates or three months and I will just say goodbye. Though statistically looking that is a true statement, I would say there have been valid reasons to why things just don’t look.

I feel that my love life can be summed up elegantly in the song Mystery of Love by Sufjan Stevens. (I’ve said it before, Sufjan is the music of my soul!) A song written for a counterseal movie, and though I’m not gay, I like the wording that he uses in it. All love starts out in a bit of a rush. It’s perfect and embodies all aspect of life. It’s like you are floating and you can’t seem to get your feet to touch the ground. Like most loves, something goes wrong and its over before you knew it. Then, when your river bed has dried up; you go look for a new love. I’d say that sums me up in a nut shell. However, instead of looking or trying to find love, I’ve chosen to take a step back. I’ve chosen to live a quieter life style. I’ve chosen to rather hide from all those around me. I’ve taken a break and it feels good. Its feels oh so good to re-find myself. To figure out where I want to go next in life. If there is anything that I have learned in the culture of Provo dating, it is the fact that dating is hard, a process, and many opportunities to grow. I will admit to the rumor that I am a heartbreak. I apologize to that and it is something that I’m trying to work on.

As I take the next steps in life, I can’t help but think what a blessing the mystery of love is. I have come very far in this topic. I love Provo, Utah so much. The day I leave will be the hardest move yet. I love my family very much. I love my close set of friends. I love my roommates. I love my job. I love my program in school. I love my savior and my religion. Above all, I love my life. I couldn’t be more happier than I am in the moment and I owe it all to the mystery of love.