When I started this blog, I was on a personal journey to find love from my savior, Jesus Christ. I was a lost and confused missionary that just wanted to know what it was like to experience the love that individuals that I looked up to so fondly spoke about. Little did I know that I would not only find the love of the Savior, but I would also find ways to heal my biggest insecurities with the help of my savior. When I came home from my mission, I used this blog as a way to love myself again. Again, I was lost and confused about who I was and what I wanted to do with myself. I used this blog as a sounding board to find true love for myself and the situations around me. I had to rediscover my purpose and focus in this crazy world. I moved to Provo, UT and hated it. So, what did I do? I started blogging satires on Provo; and in doing so, I found myself falling in love with this weird town.
My own personal love life has seemed to be the conversation of most topics these days. Unfortunately, my own personal love has yet to be solved in the realms of this blog. However, my love life seems to give me quiet the reputation in life. Moving to Provo with a broken heart, I choose to embrace the Provo culture and dive head first in the land of dating. I met some really inspiring and wonderful girls from this. I went from the shy quiet boy towards girls to the fella with the hella good hair to the man whore to the quiet dater. I have found myself falling in love and getting my heart broken. I have cried, been angry, and even found joy in dating. I have had self-doubts in dating lectures that I will never be one to get married to the one that has set goals to dating. I’m told that I am a bit of a heart breaker and that girls should stay clear from me. Three dates or three months and I will just say goodbye. Though statistically looking that is a true statement, I would say there have been valid reasons to why things just don’t look.
I feel that my love life can be summed up elegantly in the song Mystery of Love by Sufjan Stevens. (I’ve said it before, Sufjan is the music of my soul!) A song written for a counterseal movie, and though I’m not gay, I like the wording that he uses in it. All love starts out in a bit of a rush. It’s perfect and embodies all aspect of life. It’s like you are floating and you can’t seem to get your feet to touch the ground. Like most loves, something goes wrong and its over before you knew it. Then, when your river bed has dried up; you go look for a new love. I’d say that sums me up in a nut shell. However, instead of looking or trying to find love, I’ve chosen to take a step back. I’ve chosen to live a quieter life style. I’ve chosen to rather hide from all those around me. I’ve taken a break and it feels good. Its feels oh so good to re-find myself. To figure out where I want to go next in life. If there is anything that I have learned in the culture of Provo dating, it is the fact that dating is hard, a process, and many opportunities to grow. I will admit to the rumor that I am a heartbreak. I apologize to that and it is something that I’m trying to work on.
As I take the next steps in life, I can’t help but think what a blessing the mystery of love is. I have come very far in this topic. I love Provo, Utah so much. The day I leave will be the hardest move yet. I love my family very much. I love my close set of friends. I love my roommates. I love my job. I love my program in school. I love my savior and my religion. Above all, I love my life. I couldn’t be more happier than I am in the moment and I owe it all to the mystery of love.