Category Archives: Moving

180 Dates

Since moving and becoming part of The Men of Ten, I have gone on 180 dates. Alright, go ahead and start the judgement on that number. I mean one doesn’t get the bad reputation without a high number, right? (Side note, the reputation will be addressed later, so remember it). It is a very high number and the only way I have counted is because I have a song that I play one time while getting ready for every date. That song just hit 180 plays about two weeks ago. I have learned so much from those 180 dates that I felt the need to share it with the world.

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Now, in those 180 dates, three girls were given a large amount of dates. They were even given that scary word of commitment, but sadly saw the sting of rejection in one shape or another. These three taught me how to open up and truly be vulnerable with someone. They taught me to take down the walls that I put up. They were each a blessing that I needed at their particular parts of my life. One taught me to not miss my chance and to love a friend. Two is the one that taught me that I could truly love someone. She helped me to see the hand of God more in my life. She was there for me in the beginning of my bad reputation and over looked it. Three, poor Three. She started out as a way for me to get over two and seemed more like a game. I wasn’t ready for her and I didn’t respect her. Sadly, she found rejection the hardest with a hand-written letter and the boarding of a plane for a goodbye. Not my best moment in life. She taught me the depth of my reputation and just couldn’t look past it. She taught me that I needed to learn to move on and focus on the things that matter most.

I was labeled as a heartbreaker, a man slut, and one that disrespects women. The last one hurt the most. The thing about rumors are: they are terrible and cruel, but most of them are true. I admit that I wasn’t the best with women when my heart got broke the first time since R. However, I honestly had the best intentions when it came to my dating life. When I moved to Provo, I felt that it was preached that we were supposed to date a lot. I set the goal to get married and I figured that 3-5 dates a week would help me to obtain it. That is how it all started. When I tarnished my name among those from my mission, I dove into dating like it was a sport. I didn’t see what would follow it.

Among all this dating, I feel like I learned what I didn’t want to have in a future spouse. There are some girls that I wrote off very quickly because I saw traits that I knew that I couldn’t live with. However, there are some girls that I just never asked out again because I wasn’t in the right state of mind at the time. I thought that I could use dating as a way to avoid my problems and broken hearts. I’ve learned that that is not good and healthy to do, and it is plain rude.

Since coming home from my mission, I struggled with dating in the aspect that everyone in my life seems to want to be a part of my dating life. I’ll go on a date and everyone seems to have an opinion and somehow ruin things that are going well. My friends and family seem to all be so noisy about my dating life. Even if it’s just been one date. So, I hide my relationships and dates. In these 180 dates, I’ve managed to keep most of them private. I’ve come to learn when it comes to relationships, I want them to be all for me. Not that I’m not proud to be dating the girl, but I want it to be the one part of my life just for me. I just don’t want the world to ruin it.

When my bad reputation was in full bloom, I pulled one from Taylor Swift’s page and went into hiding. I figured that the gossip would settle. What I found was that I was still in love with someone that I could no longer have. I realized that I had taken the time to mourn. So, I found myself struggling to compare girls to this one girl every time I went out. I felt really bad for them and I really have struggled to date till about two weeks ago.

My 180th date taught me so much about myself. It was simple and a lot of fun. It was very private, and I felt extremely nervous. I used to be nervous on every date and that went away. For the first time in a long time, I felt like the old me was coming back while in this date. I didn’t compare her once to another girl. I just saw her for her. I was able to be my childish self and not feel judged. I don’t know if anything will come from this date. I mean, I haven’t even gotten the courage to ask her out again. I don’t know if she enjoyed it, but I am very grateful for my 180thdate. It’s something that I will forever cherish in my life. It took 180 dates to realize that I can be me again, and that’s a victory.  I learned that I can just go have a good time with someone and not worry about the outside world. I just have to worry about if I’m impressing her enough and not saying the wrong thing. The boy before the reputation is back, just a little older and little more refined. I’m back and ready to take on the world with my large dreams.

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Love Love Love

I think I just heard my heart sing love, love, love.

I’m currently siting in class and I received a farewell text from one of my favorite individuals. As I sit here thinking about my actions lately, I can’t help but feel love. I started to prep those around me for my departure. I know that I will be leaving this place I call my home. I’ve known since August that I will be gone. So, I’ve begun preparing those around that I will be gone. However, I feel that I am more preparing myself for this grand adventure that will be taking place in my life.

Next to my dating life, I get asked on what is next in my life. People are all curious to know what I will be using my degree for and where I will be off to next. I would like to inform the world that I have a plan!!! I know what I will be doing (You have no idea how excited that is to say!). Unfortunately, I will not be indulging that information to the world just yet. Rather, I want to keep it pure and just for me. I want to bask in the joy that this next step is for me and all for me. Every move in my life, the Lord has told me where to go. This time, he let me choose. As nerve wracking that was, it’s nothing but joy. The adventure of finding the next step has been one for the books.

Let me take you on my adventure. The past couple of months, I have applied for anything and everything. I have pictured my life in different aspects of the world and in various roles for different companies. I have allowed for each option to be on the table. Nothing has gotten written off until I have come to learn that I will not be happy in that position or given the word no. I have allowed for others to come to me too. For example, a company found this blog and approached me to be a content marketer for them. In this process, I have been rejected more than once. The word no has been something that I’ve allowed myself to become adapted to hearing. My creative outlook has been told to be unoriginal and dull in some companies. I’ve been told that I am better on paper than in person. I have been told that I will never make in the digital marketing world. I think my favorite is when I was told that I didn’t look my Facebook photo from a company. I’ve allowed the word no to shape me into this confident person.

Three weeks ago, Dr. Letty Workman, my mentor and idol, helped me to explore more options in life. She expanded my mindset and helped me to create a ten-year plan, even. I have a debt that I will never ever be able to repay to her. This plan has helped me to get a focus and direction and to know what I really want to go after. I’ve been able to wipe somethings off the table. Though, there are about three players left on the table, I’ve never been calmer about the future. I have a new-found love for what is next. I’m truly excited and love the adventure that I will be embarking on. It will shake the world and many will disagree with it, but I am ready to leap forward to it. I what will truly make me happy in this world. It is time to face my fears.

As I sit on this train, my heart is full of love for those that have touched my heart in Provo. The good, the bad, the ugly, the laughs, and the in-betweens have all shaped me to be the person that I am today. Provo, Utah has a piece of my heart! I dread the day that I will have to look out of my door and the Y won’t be there. The dating capital of the world has left the biggest impact on my life, larger than my mission. It has been the Saturday nights of just watching movies with friends and laughing till all of us need to go to bed. It’s the moment where you ask the cute girl in the ward out three times and she says no every time (and before you ask, this did happen to me). It is the moments of stress and frustration. It is the moments where you longboard down the streets with your home girl till she falls off and skids her knee. It is the moments where you cry your eyes out because of a relationship has ended. It is in the moment where you are home teaching about flirting and you have everyone in the room role play how to flirt with girls. It is in the moment of seeing your best friends walk in the classroom door each night, excited to see you. It is in the moments where you know you have lost your best friend. It is in the moment when you tell the girl no for the date. It is in the many, many, many sporting games. Nothing beats sitting in institute with your friend and your stake president is discussing the weird topics of intimacy in marriage. Provo has a piece of my heart that can never be replaced. I know that I will be sad when I say goodbye to it. So, rather than cut it off like a Band-Aid, I’ve been preparing my heart to get broken. I’ve been scared to start a new life and become fresh. I am ready for it though. My growth has come to a hindrance. There are just a few things left for me to wrap up here. In a few months, I will have accomplished those things and my adventure will continue.

Lastly, I have much love for the last few months here. I am excited to embark on the next chapter but I’m more excited to make the most out of what is left for me here. I am excited to live to the fullest. I am excited for the few all-night study cram sessions that are upon me. I am excited to get rejected from the next cute girl that I ask out. I am even more excited to go on a date with a cute girl and have it go very well. I am excited to watch the finishing touches to be placed on my final projects in school, work, and life. I am excited to take this time and fully cherish it! To cherish it to the fullest. I will never be given the experiences that I have in Provo again. I can’t wait to take advantage of them. So, yes, I will be getting the big cupcake at the Mighty Baker and I will hike the Y at least ten more times. I will longboard the canyon with my home girl and I will laugh with my roommates. I will put all my efforts to pushing to the end!

So yes, I did hear my heart sing LOVE LOVE LOVE! 

 

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Welcome to Utah

I think I’m getting older. Older in the aspect that I have learned that I need to continue to progress and grow as a person and once again progression has found its way into my life. Progression in so many ways. Before my mission, I had my whole life figured out. I knew what I wanted to do and I was going to the be the person that would do whatever it took to make that plan work. Going on my mission, was the first time in my life where the Lord told me to do something drastic and I was obedient and did it. (in which I would like to add, it was well worth it though I was terrified in the beginning.) On my mission, I figured I would just continue the plan that I set in place. However, towards the last six months of my mission, that plan began to not fill like the right idea. So with much prayer and fasting and trying to figure out things, I proposed a plan to the Lord and instead of getting a yes, I got a different answer. I was told to move to Provo, Utah of all places.

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Let me say, I have despised the idea of moving to Utah. Though I’m Mormon, I never in a million years have wanted to live in the state filled with Mormons. I’ve liked the idea of being the only Mormon in my friends. It has given me a unique twist to my life. However, I decided that I would be obedient. The process of moving to Utah has been an interesting one. This process has taught and showed me how being obedient to what the Lord tells us to do, that the windows of heaven will be poured out to us. When he told me to go to Provo, I had no idea what to do. I had no idea how it would all work out. I had no idea what to do. With faith and prayer, I’ve seen the Lord just make everything fall into place. Its shown me how much the Lord really listens to me and gives me council.

More than anything, coming to Utah, a week ago, has given me happiness again. Living in Prosser is really hard for me. As a return missionary, I found myself lost. I found myself feeling as if I had back slid in life. I found myself not laughing again and overly stressed. Couple weeks ago, I asked God to give me happiness again and my answer was to be patient. Well, moving to Provo has been the happiest thing I’ve ever done. Major thanks to Peter Searle, Sadie Johnson, and Megan McCleary. True happiness has come even in the one hour we get together to run at night. The grosume foursome is the highlight of my day. This week, I’ve thrown myself into the library where I’ve literally locked out the world and threw myself into studying about Money mostly. Each day, the four of us have gotten together and have let the inner us come out though its  mostly loud laughter.

A week ago, I was terrified of the drastic change that I was making. I have no idea why I’m in Provo. I have no idea what the purpose of me living here is. All I know is that the Lord told me to go and I listened. I’m excited for the adventures that are going to be made here (even though a man just walked pasted me dressed like Jesus). So for now, here is to the growth and change of life. Here is to a new phase. Here is to being patient to see the purpose that the Lord has for me. Also, its misty rainy today which is my favorite thing in the whole wide world. Its comes on the greatest of days to show God’s love for me.

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