Tag Archives: Taylor Swift

Soundtrack Of My Life

Music is one of the biggest influences on my life. I seem to always have some sort of music playing at all times. I really love it. I have a weird sense of music that seems to be all over the place. I feel that music is a way for me to emotionally connect and its been an outlet for many avenues in my life. I’ve noticed that I go through these phases and each phase comes with an album of its own. Those that know me best, know that I am an advocate for the album rather than a single. There is just something so special about an album to me. Its a true body of work that tells a story. I love the messages that can be found from a certain one. Whenever I transition into a phase of my life, there seems to be an album from an artist or band that just embodies my life. It becomes a large part of my life and I play that album on repeat for days, months, and even years (no joke!). Those around me have even gotten annoyed with me but don’t understand why I listen to it so much.

My whole life can be summed up by ten albums. Ten albums that show the progression of my life and have played major parts to the development of who I am. Those ten albums are some that I’m proud of and a little embarrassed at times. However, these albums hold a very special place in my heart, so no judgement.

Number 1: Millennium by the Backstreet Boys

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The start of the boy bands for me. This was the first cd that I ever owned and it is full of the greatest songs. Growing up, the Backstreet Boys were the greatest band of all time to me. My sister, Kendall was all about N’Sync and we would often fight about which one of the two bands were better. For my birthday, my mother bought this album for me with a new walkman! I would rewind the tape just so I could hear I Want it That Way multiple times. My mother would eventually barrow this tape from me and we would jam out in her car. It was true bliss. My mother has always taught me to listen to music loud with the windows down. Those are some of my favorite moments with my mother as a child. Sundays usually would entail a drive in the country, listening to everything and then some. This album always reminds me of those good times. I then would fall asleep, and wake up in my bed some how. Having a young mother made for a lot of fun adventures. My mother is the one that triggered my sense of adventure and it all started in a Honda Accord with the Backstreet Boys.

Number 2 – Enema of the State  by Blink 182

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My first Nast CD and the begging of a new era. Byron Hunt, my middle school best friend, introduced this CD to me by giving it a birthday gift. My mother was not happy one bit and wanted to take it away many times. However, she couldn’t due to all the songs being entrapped in my mind. This album made me feel rebellious and helped me escape the world of middle school. My favorite memory was air guitaring All the Small Things with Byron to Ali Suhadolnik at the Toppinsh Livestock Show. Byron’s camper was next to Ali’s tent and she came out to quiet the show that evening. However, the album would help me escape the frustrations of life. I’d put this CD into my boombox and play Mario Kart for what seemed like an eternity. It spoke to the pains of hating the world that I lived in and being bullied by others.

Number 3- Plans by Death Cab for Cutie

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I’m asked all the time what my favorite band is. Its no surprise that I love Death Cab! They just speak to me in a way that no else does. Death Cab came into my life my freshmen year of high school and has never left. This album expressed many of the things that I wanted to say but didn’t know how to. Growing up in a home where love wasn’t the first priority was hard. I began to trap the real feelings that I had inside and have begun to release them now. Death Cab was my first weird music that I listened to and became a gateway to many other weird things. Death Cab also began my obsession for depressing songs. This album is the one that scared my parents. I use to listen to this on repeat all high school. Eventually, my mother would sit me down and ask me if I was sucicidal. The answer was no. Looking back, I can see where she would think that. It became banned and wasn’t allowed to be played. However, when I moved to college, I bought another CD and it would help me get through the transition of adulating.

Number 4- Speak Now by Taylor Swift 

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Oh Taylor Swift! Taylor Swift was the love of my life. I could have married that girl. Taylor Swift is an incredible writer that seemed to write things about my life. This album came out at the end of my sophomore year of college and it was a time where I was frustrated with love. I was trying to hold on to a love that wasn’t in the cards. I was beginning to figure out the causes for all my problems. I just wanted to feel okay again. It was the start of a slippery slope. This album has a song called Never Grow Up. I was realizing that my life needed to take more direction and I didn’t want to grow up. I didn’t want to make those decisions and I wanted to live in a life with no responsibilities. More important, the song Mean became a staple for two individuals that had wronged me in life. As I was beginning to touch the surface of what made me feel the way that I did, I had so much anger for these two people and this song became my source of comfort. I began to move forward in life with the mindset of proving them wrong and being better than them.

Number 5- 21 by Adele 

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Pour Austin Stuchell would have to hear no end to Adele. I’m 90% sure that he can’t listen to this album to this day. As a junior in college, I became extremely depressed and I discovered that I had anxiety. I found myself extremely stressed from running track and cross country, working a full schedule, and taking more than 18 credits. As a perfectionist, I found myself slipping in all aspects of life. I didn’t want to be around others and I didn’t want to do anything. I was burnt out and angry at the world. Adele 21 helped me have hope for life again. It was angry white women music and it was depressing. It had so many things that I was feeling in regards to my life. I was really confused in life and didn’t know what I wanted. I had so many people telling me what they wanted me to do and I felt there was this pressure to please everyone. I just really wanted to have everyone be satisfied with the decisions that I was making. I found myself getting migraines daily and I just couldn’t be happy.  This album made me feel okay with life and was there when I needed it the most. It paved the way for the next phase.

 

Number 6- Up All Night by One Direction 

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Thats right, I bought 1D’s very first album. One Direction is my guilty pleasure in life. Its that band that I secretly love and don’t want anyone to know. However, senior year of college in Montana will always be remembered by this album. It was the era of parties and late night papers. I started senior year still depressed and looking to escape. I lost a lot of friends that year. However, second semester was a time of bouncing back. I finally figured out what I wanted to do with my life. I finally was going to live my dream of living in Portland and it was time to let loose. My closest friends and I took a road trip after graduation and this CD was the only source of music for us. Lucky for us that I had brought it! Senior year also found me with an injury that ended my running career as a collegiate athlete. 1D became a source of taking my mind off the pain and helped me not go back into depression. My landlord, Virginia, would always tell me that she could me hear me singing to the album when I was in the shower. She told me that I could be part of this band and I would just laugh at her. It was a change of pace that was needed in my life.

Number 7- The Mormon Tabernacle Choir 

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Moving to Portland was a dream since I was child. I got accepted into school and was all ready to start my life there. Then, the Lord told me no. He told me to go to home and stay there. I couldn’t figure out why but after six months home, I found myself leaving to start a mission for my religion. I had been called to serve in the Florida Jacksonville Mission for a period of two years. For two years, I put my life on hold as I served the Lord and those that live in Georgia and Florida. I wan’t allowed to listen to music except church related. Before my mission, I hated the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. However, luck found me that everyone of my companions loved them. It was weird to me but in time, I found myself tolerating them. This was a time of much spiritual growth and for the first time, I felt that I knew who my Savior was. I had a front row show to the atonement of Jesus Christ and I loved it. My mission was not easy and taught me many things about who I was, life, and about what I wanted to do in life.

Number 8- Carrie & Lowell  by Sufjan Stevens

dbfa1978Coming home from my mission was probably the hardest thing that I have ever done. Life was really hard to adjust to, especially not being able to walk. I found myself missing and longing to be back in Florida. I was able to find help from five major people. However, life was talking many turns. Again, I found myself under lots of pressure and it was hard to handle. Carrie & Lowell is an album that Sufjan Stevens wrote for his dead mother. I felt dead inside and this album matched my pains. It made me think of life previous to my “death”. I didn’t know how to have fun anymore and I began slipping back into a depression.  I was trying so hard to make decisions that pleased others and not myself.  For the first time, I found myself wondering if life was worth living and the last few songs on this album taught me that I could. They give a new respect to the life that we do live and caring on the legacy of those before us. It gave me a bounce back and sense of being. It literally saved my life.

Number 9 – Strange Trails by Lord Huron 

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Alright, I will admit that this is a weird album. I love it so much though. They truly are songs from the unknown as the cover art tells. However, they spoke to my soul when moving to Utah. Utah is a strange place and I was broken hearted. I had lost the girl and I was in an unknown place full of weird people. Provo, Utah is quiet the experience and is a bit of cultural shook at first. This album couldn’t describe Provo any better! Lord Huron sings about how love is like ghosts and wanting to go back to in time and stopping himself from loving the girl. Well, thats how love was for me at first here. My heart was empty and I didn’t know what to do. Going on dates was hard and I wasn’t invested in them. Fool for Love reminds of me just wanting to be in a relationship so I would ask many girls out. There for awhile, I averaged three to four dates a week. Not the most healthy thing that I have done. I was hallow inside and unsure of what to expect.  It truly paved the way for the next album.

Number 10- Cleopatra by the Lumineers

cd663f4fcf6f0ce290a085d8b337a055aac7ac72This phase has been lived for about a year and half now. It was a fun phase as I begun to live a life similar to these songs. I was grieving life like Cleopatra as I was beginning to say goodbye people. I was growing up in ways that can’t have been guessed. I’ve been focusing on school and my career, instead of not focusing on love. I wasn’t being a fool falling in love and I’ve been focusing on the things that matter most. I’ve felt like Gale’s song not wining the love of a best friend. I’ve learned patience, more so in myself than in others, just like the song depicts. I’ve seen the light and have had hope to carry on with my life. I find hope in all aspects of my life.

I’ve entered the 11th album of my life- Harry Styles by Harry Styles. 

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An album that I never dreamed that would fit me so good. I kinda felt that Cleopatra would be around much longer. However, a new phase of life begun at the beginning of May. A new phase that I am excited to see where it takes me in life. So, with every new phase, a new album begins. I look forward to taking this journey and seeing what good will come out of it. For now, I continue to listen and see what happens now. After all, its the sign of the times.

 

 

 

 


Safe and Sound

There are times in life where God knows just what to say or bring to us to have his love in our life. There are times in my life where I worry about if things are going to be ok. I worry about the next phase in life and what the final outcome is going to be. There have been trying times where I just want God to make everything better. I feel that when we get revelation it comes gradual. Its never all at once. Rather its just enough to make it through to the next step in life. For me, peace and comfort can be found through a simple song: Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift.

When this song first came out, it was given to me to find peace and hope in the biggest trial of my life. It was given to me in the very hour that I needed it. Sadly for my roommates, I held on to this and played it way more than what was needed. It became a sense of peace to know that I was going to be Safe and Sound. I knew that God had given it to me in that very moment for a reason and I was so grateful.

On mission, I am not allowed to listen to music so I that I can give my all to the Lord. However, the Lord knows me well and has given it to me in the very minutes that I have needed it. When I’ve hit that breaking point, it will either find a way to be played in my head or in a car passing by. It is then followed by the spiritual confirmation that I am going to be ok. That the Lord is there for me.

Last night, I was given this song in the wee hours of the morning. I couldn’t sleep. I tried so hard and yet nothing came from it. When I did get to sleep, it was not good at all. So I turned to my father in heaven. I began to read the scriptures. I realized that the Lord is mindful of me in my trails. There at three in morning, it played for me. In the middle of the night, I could hear God telling me that I was going to be safe and sound. That this next obsticle can and will be overcomed. The spiritual confirmation while reading the Book of Mormon was amazing. I know that the Lord is there for us. He knows actually what to say to show his love for us. I know that I will be safe and sound.

 

“Just Close Your Eyes

You’ll Be Just Fine

Come Morning Light

You and I will be Safe and Sound”


Love in Trials

As a senior in college I had to learn a lesson that was very hard for me to learn. That is, Heavenly Father loves and he has given us the bodies that we have as a blessing. As a senior in college, I was diagnosed with hip dysplasia. This is where I have bone on bone rubbing in my hip. It is very painful and it hurts me. I don’t like have any weaknesses at all, so I have never been fully happy with it. I have a hard time understanding the fact that my Heavenly Father really knows who am I and that he really loves me. He took my passion way, running. To me, running is my everything. It is how I relieve my stress, it is how I get through the tough times, it is how I unwind, and it how I get through each day. When I finally was told that I could never compete again, I realized that God still loved me. Looking back, I can see why God has given me this problem and that God was a part of all of this. For example, the day that I was diagnosed, the very first thing that I remember is the song Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift was played on the radio. When I actually took the time to listen to the lyrics, I realized that God was reaching out to me. He was telling me that I was going to be safe and that everything would work out. I have learned so much from this trial that I would have never realized that I could. As grateful as I am with it, I still don’t want it. I still struggle from time to time to see the benefit of it. I tell myself that life would be better if I just didn’t have it. For a while now, I haven’t been seeing the good things out of it. It has been giving me pain and I have been fighting through it. It gets me down from time to time. However, Heavenly Father has helped me once again. I read a conference talk from Elder Russel M. Nelson, of the 12, in titled Decisions for Eternity. This talk talks about how God has given us our bodies as a blessing. How each are unique in their own and even though they are not perfect that God is apart of blessing. Trials are given to us a way to draw us closer to our Heavenly Father. They they try our faith and allow us to see the Love that our Father has for us. That even though I am not perfect, God has given me his greatest blessing. I know that I will always struggle with this problem. I know that it will never fully be healed but my Heavenly Father knows who I am and he loves me. I know that he will always help me and even though I can’t do everything that I want to that my faith will grow and I will be blessed for this trial in ways that I don’t even know of it. I am grateful that we have a loving Heavenly Father.  So for now, I will just keep on doing what I do best, serving him, praying, and finding my balance of getting to run to different beat.

God’s Greatest Creation can be seen on this video that talks about Elder Russel M. Nelson

 

 

 

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Love for Ronan

This week I have been doing a lot studying about the joy that can come from children and even the joy that come from the Plan of Salvation. This is the Plan that our Heavenly Father has for us that answers the questions of Why we are here?, Where we are going?, and Where we came from?. I was reading in the October 2013 Ensign, a Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints magazine, there is an article about a family who had a child that died right after being born. It made me think of a popular song, Ronan by Taylor Swift. This is a song about a child that dies after just being four years old. Swift sings about the struggles that come through from losing a child. When this song came out, I searched about the little kid and found that his mother has a blog in which she wrote to help her with the struggles. After reading the Ensign this month, I couldn’t help but think how hard it would be to have a child die. I have never had a child but I have watched my grandparents struggle with hardship when my Uncle died in Iraq in 2004. Watching my grandparents, I have seen how a knowledge of the Plan of Salvation has helped have more joy. This plan shows how much our Heavenly Father loves us. He loves so much that he wants us to return to live with him again. He wants us to have happiness in this life. I love that our families can have the opportunity to live together forever. That we will have the chance to see our families again.The article ends by showing that as we turn to our Heavenly Father for help in these difficult times, then we can have strength and happiness that will help us cope with the loss of a loved one. The loss of a child is something  that I hope no one has to go through.

Ronan

By Taylor Swift

I remember your bare feet down the hallway
I remember your little laugh
Race cars on the kitchen floor, plastic dinosaurs
I love you to the moon and back

I remember your blue eyes looking into mine
Like we had our own secret club
I remember you dancing before bed time
Then jumping on me, waking me up

I can still feel you hold my hand, little man
And even the moment I knew
You fought it hard like an army guy
Remember I leaned in and whispered to you

Come on baby with me we’re gonna fly away from here
You were my best four years

I remember the drive home
When the blind hope turned to crying and screaming “Why?”
Flowers pile up in the worst way, no one knows what to say
About a beautiful boy who died

And it’s about to be halloween
You could be anything you wanted if you were still here
I remember the last day when I kissed your face
I whispered in your ear

Come on baby with me we’re gonna fly away from here
Out of this curtain room and this hospital grey, we’ll just disappear
Come on baby with me we’re gonna fly away from here
You were my best four years

What if I’m standing in your closet trying to talk to you?
What if I kept the hand-me-downs you won’t grow into?
And what if I really thought some miracle would see us through?
What if the miracle was even getting one moment with you?

Come on baby with me we’re gonna fly away from here
Come on baby with me we’re gonna fly away from here
You were my best four years

I remember your bare feet down the hallway
I love you to the moon and back

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(Ronan Thompson)