Tag Archives: Ups and Downs

The Good Life

After heartbreak, regret, disappointment, grief, and or anger welcomes themselves into my life, its natural for me to shut the world out. I personally find myself shutting the world out and not letting anyone find me. People ask me what I do and where I go when I shut the world out. The truth is, I find myself devoting myself more to my studies, running, work, and my relationship with God (not in that particular order either). I usually spend more hours than usual in the Temple, at least forty hours in the library for the week, harder focus at work, and bust it in the gym for large period of times. I find that shutting the outside world out helps me to focus on what matters the most and lets me hide a bit from my problems. It also gives me the chance to think. Being alone is something that I actually enjoy, which people find hard to believe. Being alone is a very comforting thing for me. Being alone lets me regroup my thoughts and then decide what I want to do to move forward. I like things to be quiet and peaceful. I find that the outside world is rather loud and I can’t always be the person that I want to be. So I retreat to the places where I don’t have to be around people. I justify in my mind that if I’m in places where people can’t be with me, then I don’t have talk to people. Many people don’t believe when I tell them that I am extremely introverted person but I am. I like to exclude the world and be alone.

Around the end of August/ beginning of September, I began shutting the outside world out again. I purposely didn’t answer phone calls or didn’t turn my phone on for long periods of time. I’ve hid in the Provo City Center Temple and the library. I’ve hid in the mountains near my house as I’ve gone for long runs or adventures with my roommates. I’ve only allowed my roommates and select few individuals to see me and know about my whereabouts. I’ve kept myself grounded and in my house. Its been really peaceful to not to see people. I’ve turned to my Father in Heaven for much guidance and light. In these moments, I’ve come to really feel the love that God has for me. I’ve felt his peace and healing power to help me in a time of much struggle.

Lately, I’ve been allowing myself to branch out and set social goals (yes, I have to set goals to interact with other individuals). I’ve begun to meet people in my ward, see people from my mission, and grow closer with my roommates. I’ve set goals to buckle down and get things done during the week so I could have the chance to interact with others on my weekends. Moving forward isn’t always the easiest thing for me but its something that must be done.

The past two weekends have been ones where I’ve had moments where I’ve had chances to reflect on things in the most random times. First, I went to Moab with my roommates and while sitting in-between two arches, I realized that that the Lord has really guided me to live with amazing men of God who help me in so many ways. They are so patient with me and understand when to back off and when to ask inspired questions for my progression. They don’t push me but rather are there for guidance and support. They bring much needed laughter and love at critical times. They see me for who I can be and help lift me to that person.

 

Then this weekend, I ran a half marathon with two amazing people from my mission. One of which I was able to run 12 of the 13.1 miles together talking. This was the first time I was social in a race and it was so needed. Being able to just talk about anything and everything was nice. However, it was after the race when I was invited to attend a OneRepublic concert with my best friend and his family that I realized much more. There was a moment halfway through this concert that I realized that God has really given me exactly what I need in life. He is so aware of who I am and who I need to get through the hardest of things. He has placed amazing people in my life that know exactly how to deal with my situations. He has given so much in times of need that I can’t help but be grateful.

I really do have a good life. A life that I couldn’t even dream of. I have much to be happy for. Moving forward into the future is something I’m excited for. I truly love all that has been given to me and the chance to regroup and figure my next steps in life. I look forward to being social again. To letting the world see me again. Though life is hard its not bad but rather good.

 

 

 

 

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Love in Trials

As a senior in college I had to learn a lesson that was very hard for me to learn. That is, Heavenly Father loves and he has given us the bodies that we have as a blessing. As a senior in college, I was diagnosed with hip dysplasia. This is where I have bone on bone rubbing in my hip. It is very painful and it hurts me. I don’t like have any weaknesses at all, so I have never been fully happy with it. I have a hard time understanding the fact that my Heavenly Father really knows who am I and that he really loves me. He took my passion way, running. To me, running is my everything. It is how I relieve my stress, it is how I get through the tough times, it is how I unwind, and it how I get through each day. When I finally was told that I could never compete again, I realized that God still loved me. Looking back, I can see why God has given me this problem and that God was a part of all of this. For example, the day that I was diagnosed, the very first thing that I remember is the song Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift was played on the radio. When I actually took the time to listen to the lyrics, I realized that God was reaching out to me. He was telling me that I was going to be safe and that everything would work out. I have learned so much from this trial that I would have never realized that I could. As grateful as I am with it, I still don’t want it. I still struggle from time to time to see the benefit of it. I tell myself that life would be better if I just didn’t have it. For a while now, I haven’t been seeing the good things out of it. It has been giving me pain and I have been fighting through it. It gets me down from time to time. However, Heavenly Father has helped me once again. I read a conference talk from Elder Russel M. Nelson, of the 12, in titled Decisions for Eternity. This talk talks about how God has given us our bodies as a blessing. How each are unique in their own and even though they are not perfect that God is apart of blessing. Trials are given to us a way to draw us closer to our Heavenly Father. They they try our faith and allow us to see the Love that our Father has for us. That even though I am not perfect, God has given me his greatest blessing. I know that I will always struggle with this problem. I know that it will never fully be healed but my Heavenly Father knows who I am and he loves me. I know that he will always help me and even though I can’t do everything that I want to that my faith will grow and I will be blessed for this trial in ways that I don’t even know of it. I am grateful that we have a loving Heavenly Father.  So for now, I will just keep on doing what I do best, serving him, praying, and finding my balance of getting to run to different beat.

God’s Greatest Creation can be seen on this video that talks about Elder Russel M. Nelson

 

 

 

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