In December, I signed up for my first-ever Ironman. Running marathons and half marathons is all I know how to do. After getting injured running the Boston Marathon in 2023, my medical provider encouraged me to start doing triathlons to prevent injury in the future and still have the chance to compete. I’ve been studying triathlons since 2021 but have never dared to pull the trigger. I decided that this was my sign to do so. Mind you, I’ve never competed in a triathlon before, and most find it crazy that I’m going straight for a half Ironman for my first. Four months into training, I’m already learning and seeing a change in myself.
I am more aware and sensitive to my time. When the alarm goes off at 4:50 am, I know my day will be jam-packed. Fitting two workouts into my day means that all other aspects of my life have to be intentional, including time with others. I’m a better employee because I only have 8 hours to complete everything. I’m more focused and present with every element, whether coaching soccer, reading, or playing pickleball with friends. My workouts are planned purposefully, and I’m more focused on completing them on time.
I’m starting to have more self-confidence. This is by far the thing that stretched me the most. I’ll be the first to admit that I have no idea what I’m doing, but I’m doing it. Each milestone in the water or the bike has made me more proud of myself. After finishing my first 50-mile ride on the bike, I couldn’t believe I did. The past four months have gotten me out of my comfort zone. I hate asking for help. I’ve found myself reaching out to others and asking for their perspectives. Overall, I’m more proud of what I’ve been accomplishing in my runs, bike rides, and swims.
Be kind to yourself. Getting injured was one of the best things that could happen to me. I was angry, disappointed, and crushed. Humiliation in myself and what happened were the worst. Training for this Ironman has helped me to be more kind to me. I’m starting from zero, and my mind is becoming more proud of my abilities. I’ve learned that it’s okay to fall as long as you pick yourself up. I’m learning to be proud of my small accomplishments. This training makes me much more humble, especially towards my body. Since 2018, this has been the first time I’ve been training and not starving myself. It’s been a struggle, but I’m being cautious about making sure that I don’t get self-destructive with my diet.
I found a new love for running again. Running and I have always had a love/hate relationship. No one loves running, and if they do, they run away. It’s taken me a while to feel grateful to run again. To go for 8-9 miles is something that I’m thankful for. I’m excited for the days I get to run because it means I’m not in the pool or having to do 3 hours on the bike. More importantly, my body can handle the intensity. I love putting my headphones in, listening to Taylor Swift, and running again.
I’m finding myself again. Most importantly, I see myself coming back. One of my good friends told me over the summer of 2023 that she hadn’t seen the real me in a while. I was lost, confused, and hurt. I didn’t know how to be me. The past four months, I’ve seen myself more and more. I’m happier! I’m more confident. My goofy side is coming out more. I’ve found myself again. I find myself being better with my relationships, especially with God. I’m a better employee and able to speak up when needed. I’m happy in life, and I haven’t even run because of this race.
I will learn more lessons from this training period. There are currently T-minus 199 days left till the big race. I’m excited to see what comes my way and what I learn in the following months of training.
At the end of the year, I create my yearly nast mix. It’s the time that I put out the songs that impacted my life the most for each month. I chose to share that on my Instagram this year instead because Folklore became my saving grace in 2020. I wrote this blog post to express what this album did for me and how it impacted my life. In case you’re still wondering, I am still listening to this one album.
Folklore to the rescue
Now and then, an album will come out that seems to take over your life and conveys all the emotions that you are experiencing or feeling. For me, there have been some albums that represent the era that I’m in so distinctively. The last one that stood out like this to me was Adele’s 21. That album just fit my life so perfectly, and for two years, I couldn’t stop listening to it. I was depressed and heartbroken at that time of my life. Adele’s 21 just was the comfort that I needed and the strength to carry on. Another one would be Death Cab for Cutie’s Plans album. I’ve predicted that a few more would be on this level for me, but they last for a season and then go away.
Usually, I put out the soundtrack to my year and give a little background into why that song went with the month. However, when I look back at 2020, there is just one album that defines my whole year. It was all the emotions that I was feeling and the only thing I listened to once it came out. 2020 brought me Folklore by Taylor Swift, and I can’t stop listening to it. It’s what got me through quarantine.
The night Folklore came out, I was a bit scared for it. My hipster’s heart was excited for Taylor to make a folk album finally. I love folk music, and for years I’ve been saying how I wanted Taylor to put out at least a folkish song. However, she gave me a whole album at a time when I desperately needed it. However, I was scared that I had excited my head up and that it wouldn’t be as good. Taylor always takes at least two years for albums. Less than a year for one, I was scared that it was going to be garbage. Living in Utah meant that I got to have it at 10 PM instead of midnight. I curled up and started listening right away. I straight up stayed up till 3 AM, full knowing that I would have to be up for work at 7 AM. It was peace and a chance to escape the world of 2020.
Quarantine was a time where I had some high highs and low lows. Around April and June, I found myself shutting the world off. I didn’t know how to process the emotions that I was feeling. Folklore seemed to connect to my soul about this emotion in the song exile. Granted, this song is about a love that is ending; that is how I felt about how life was. I was grieving the old life. I was experiencing emotions that I couldn’t comprehend. I felt like I was exiling myself from everyone I knew because I didn’t know how to let them in. Quarantine was such a personal thing, and I didn’t think people around me were experiencing the same things.
In seven, I was having flashbacks of my youth. I found going back to old comforts was soothing to me in quarantine. I read fiction for the first time since high school. I passed the time by building Legos like my seven-year-old self. I listened to old music and watched TV and movies that I grew up on, like Smallville. Quarantine was spent daydreaming of my childhood, which is what Taylor is doing in this particular song. It was exactly what I was doing. This is also my favorite song on the album. I loved the flashbacks of being in a simpler time of place. The song is an incomplete song because the narrator doesn’t know how the story ends. This is how I’ve felt most of 2020. I was unsure what more was to come and what the future would bring. There was a lot of uncertainty in my life towards the end of the year. I felt uncomplete like this song. Seven, is what got me the most through the past 6 months. It’s this song that I feel the most connected to.
seven ~ Taylor Swift
I found myself utterly obsessed with the love triangle of Betty, James, and at the time, Inez. We learned later that it was August and not Inez. Their love triangle was the love story that began to fill my head. I love the song August and love the scandalous life it shows. However, I wanted to know if Betty and James got back together. I spent hours listening to Cardigan in the hopes of understanding how this love triangle unfolded. I have my theories on this messy love. I think she took him back at the party and later regrated it when they broke up again. Also, I don’t think Betty is so innocent herself. Miss was dancing with another guy at the school dance when she had a boyfriend. Getting caught up in this love story helped me forget about the life that was going on around me. The song Betty hit home as I could picture myself as James in high school with his skateboard. Though, I’ve never cheated on a girl.
I spent a lot of time in quarantine reflecting on the past and the connections I’ve made. I felt like invisible string helped conveyed that feeling of being tied to your history and the relationships that we make along the way. I thought a lot about the people that have shaped me into the person that I am. This song just spoke to my heart.
I think the biggest thing that I was searching for in quarantine was peace. Work, life, and isolation all stressed me out. I was going to a therapist, and I remember telling him that I was longing for peace in May. This album has a peaceful tone to it. It gave my mind ease and comfort at a time that I was struggling to see it.
This is my trying is the song that helped me to pick my head up each day. I remember being on Zoom for work and having to turn my camera off and mute myself because out of nowhere; I busted into tears. I had no idea why this was happening, and when my coworkers were giving me a hard time for not having the camera on, it took everything out of me to ask to keep my camera off without sounding like I was upset. I felt that I was doing all I could to try through April to August, and it wasn’t good enough. Everyone around me, especially at work, expected so much from me. In June, relieving the BLM riots was an instant flashback to things I witnessed while living in the South during the first wave of riots. No one around me knew what it was like, and I was trying to put on the smile that I was okay. This song gave me the courage to try.
I’m a big fan of WW2 history and watching war movies. Epiphany feels like it’s a WW2 song to me. I love the thoughts of the solider and trying to survive. This is my second favorite song on this album. I picture a man storming the shores of Normandy as I listen to this song.
I know that evermore just came out, and everyone is so excited about it. I honestly haven’t been able to listen to it because I’m hung up on Folklore. I haven’t finished processes the emotions and comforts that this simple album brings to my life. As I reflect on 2020, I’m grateful that Folklore was there to help when I needed it the most. I’ve seriously have listened to it every day since it came out. It’s been my perfect escape and peace to weather the storm that is 2020.
Written May 2020: I wrote this when I was missing the ability to date and be with the opposite sex. I realized in quarantine how much dating added to my life and gave me a sense of companionship and social interaction. Pre-COVID life, I went on a date at least once a week, if not more. I missed it and was feeling rather alone. The only book series that I read out of all the books I read in 2020 was To All the Boys I Loved Before. This series, books, and movies helped me fill a void in my life as I missed love. I finished the third book the first week of May and reflected on it often in the month. So, amid my reflection time, I wrote this blog post to reflect on my past love life. It was a chance to yearn for the opportunity to date again and a way to give closure to past relationships.
To All the Girls I Loved Before
Peter and Laura Gene
Have you ever thought about what you would say to the people that you dated in your past? I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. This year, thanks to my roommates Dio and Noah, I discovered a series called To All the Boys I Loved Before. What started as two movies began reading and escaping the world to enter Laura Gene and Peter’s love. Anyone that knows me knows that I am a lover of love. I’m a sucker for a good romantic comedy. I usually don’t ever read romance books, but after loving the movies, I decided to read them. The concept of this movie starts with a girl writing love letters to the boys that she is in love with and them getting mailed out. She creates a fake romance with one of the boys to hide her feelings towards her sister’s boyfriend. Instead, she gets a second chance to fall in love with her middle school love. Upon reading the third book, I’ve been thinking about my past “loves” and what I would say to them if I got the second chance. There have been three significant loves, okay, four significant loves of my life, and I would honestly say thank you to them for they have turned me into the person I am today. I would also say I’m sorry to them, and I’m a hard person to love.
My first love was my high school love, and she’s the one I feel the worst for looking back. She got the worst of me, literally. I was a terrible, TERRIBLE boy to date in high school and even post-graduation. I was a boy who didn’t know how to open up, and I ran from everything. I literally couldn’t wait to escape my past and small town. We couldn’t have been more opposite of people, and we fought about the dumbest of things. TW will also have a cherished part of my life because she’s why I love the concept of love. She taught me how to route for love and to open my mind to romantic comedies. It all started with her. She introduced me to the Notebook, A Walk to Remember, and many more. I thought I loved her, but she taught me that I also didn’t understand or comprehend the meaning of love at all. I was a boy with dreams. I feel bad cause I treated her so wrong. I treated her in ways that no girl deserves to be treated because I didn’t know how to communicate, and I didn’t give her the benefit of the doubt. I was running and chasing dreams. I’m grateful because she taught me a lot about myself, what I wanted, and what I thought my dreams were. She is the reason that I understand what is most important in life. I am grateful and sorry for her. I’d don’t think I’ve ever taken the time to apologize to her cause she put up with too much from me. I look at her marriage in awe and admiration. I’m so happy about how life has planned out for her. She deserves it for what she had to put up with in the past.
My second love in life taught me a lot about what it means to listen and communicate effectively. Post mission, I meet someone that I instantly loved. I never thought I could fall in love so fast, but I did. For me, that will always be RP. I look back on that summer of love as my 500 Days of Summer relationship. I was in love and looking to plan forever, but she wasn’t, and she communicated that effectively to me. I didn’t listen to her, and I painted her as the villain post break up. However, I look back and see how much I was like Tom in 500 Days of Summer in that relationship. She brought me back to life in a time where I thought all was doom and gloom. She taught me how to live and see the good in life. However, she understood something I never did: I was indeed in love with my friend that wasn’t her. She knew it, and I denied it. I denied it hard. I loved RP but not the way I should have or thought I did. I was in love with the aspects that she brought to my life and the joys she brought. I didn’t fully love her. My heart was in love with someone else emotionally, and I feel bad for RP. She kept trying to break down the walls that I make. I feel grateful that the Lord brought her into my life and helped me see the world as a beautiful thing again. She opened my heart and inspired me to dream again. I look back on this relationship, and I realize how much of a villain I was and not her. She was smart to dump me and run as far away as possible.
Okay, so that friend I mentioned in the last paragraph, I loved her hard and didn’t want to admit it. I promised MM that I would be the one to help her fight through the world and never break her heart. However, I might have been the worst person for her. She was my best friend and the person I turned to when Josh wasn’t available. She made me laugh and encouraged me to go after so many goals. I look back, and I can see how I loved you more than she loved me, and that’s okay. That’s so okay! I would suppress my feelings out of fear and try to date other people till it was my good friend that she wanted. I knew I need to step away, and in doing so, I hurt her bad. However, we both know that we weren’t right for each other. We went on a date, and I didn’t know how to date at all. That’s how I knew I needed to move on and escape her world. The funny thing is the whole world could see that I loved her, and I couldn’t admit it. I just couldn’t let myself because I was scared of losing my friend. I’m so grateful for how she taught me how to have adult conversations and to help me look forward in life. I’m thankful that I got the chance to know what it’s like to be her best friend.
My last love is the one that has consumed my life for too long and the one that I can say that I truly loved. I have never seen myself getting married to anyone except one person. She’s the love that I moved to SLC to escape. Everyone wants to know why I moved to SLC; it was to get over AK. That’s right; I had to get over her. Living in Provo, I had constant reminders of old memories. I would drive down University Ave and think of her in the passenger seat of my car, and my mind would be flooded with memories of late night drives. This girl saw me through a lousy reputation, taught me how to have love just for me ,and how to live life. She made me want to be a better person. I strived daily to be the person that she saw me as. This is the first time I understood what true love was and couldn’t wait for an eternity. However, it came crashing down, and I saw the most rigid elements of life again. I even had the most challenging time riding my skateboard because I would instantly think of riding down the Provo canyon together. I don’t think I’ve ever been so devastated over love not working. I loved her from the moment I met her in my kitchen, and I knew life was going to be fun. However, I’m also grateful for the chance to get over her. In our relationship, I learned who I wanted to be in society. I knew what it means to be selfless in a relationship. I learned how to love, and that is something I’m beyond grateful for. I’ve never thought I was capable of being one that can love someone else. This is the relationship that I am most grateful for in life. I owe her the biggest thank you.
So, I’m beyond grateful that I got the chance to love in this life. I’m not sure when I will ever get to date again. Not sure what dating in the future will even look like or how that will happen. However, I’m grateful that I’ve gotten to see the highs and lows of love firsthand. I’m thankful for the girls that choose and allowed me to love them. I’m more grateful for the lessons that they have taught me in this life. I’m thankful that I’m a better person because of them. To the girl(s) of my future, I’m excited to see what you will teach me and how you will mold me to an even better person.
One of my favorite things to do is watch a good movie! I love going the movie theatre, ordering a large popcorn and diet coke, and escaping the world for a moment. I love getting sucked into a good film for the two hours or so that I’m there. I go to the theatre when I’m sad and I need a good laugh, when I’m angry and I need to calm down, or I just want to escape the world that I’m in in for a while. In 2018, when my roommates were all fighting, I went to the movies every Friday for two months. I saw the Black Panther and the Death Curse like 4 times each. I’ve spent my birthday watching a movie with the friends for the past years straight. It’s how I celebrate the big moments in my life. Honestly, one of my favorites things to do is see a movie by myself. Throughout the whole Covid-19 experience, I’ve watched a lot of movies. I’ve thought a lot about what my favorites movies where and that list was way too long! Then, I thought about what my favorite movies of the past decade were, and I had a list of about 100. This was more manageable, and I’ve finally narrowed down the list to my top 20! So, without further ado, here are my favorite movies of the past decade.
20. Skyfall
Dare I say, this is the best bond movie! The best bond movie! This was the last movie that I watched before going on my mission with my sister. Prior to leaving for my mission, my sister and I started watching movies once a month with each other. The two of us would do something together to bond and to get out of the house. These moments are my favorite because that is how we truly came to love each other. As we spent time each other, we created a best friend bond. Skyfall is on our list of movies together. This movie is epic! Everything that I wanted in a bond movie and then more. Also, can I just say Adele?!? Adele wrote and sang the lead song to this film and it’s the greatest thing ever! James Bond is one of my favorite franchises. This one is flawless. The new Q inspires me to work hard as a young man.
Skyfall Trailer
19. To All the Boys That I Loved Before
A funny little romantic comedy about a girl’s love letters getting out on mistake. This movie is so corny and cheesy, but I love it so much. To me, this movie reminds me of the times that I would have family movie nights with my roommates in Provo. My final apartment was my favorite and it’s where I lived my true self. It’s where I was free and quiet. Each Sunday, I would make a dinner for all my roommates, then we would watch a movie together. One of our movies was To All the Boys I Love Before. I had failed to watch it prior its large internet success. It didn’t look like a movie that I would love. Little did I know, I loved every minute of it. I then showed it my buddy Miranda and we created a book club on the books. We started reading the books together to live the life of Laura Gene together. This movie/book series is the only fondest memory I have in living in Cottonwood Heights. The only time I had people over was to watch the second movie on Valentine’s Day. As corny as this movie is, it’s a movie that has created many bonds for me. I also love the music in this film. It’s hella bomb!
To All The Boys I Loved Before Trailer
18. Marriage Story
What I love about this movie is how it shows how ugly the legal system is, especially in the realms of divorce. Throughout the whole movie, a central theme is that both parties don’t want to hurt the other. However, the legal system makes it where both end up hurting the other. As a child that is a product of divorce, this movie was hard to watch. I’m grateful that I watched this alone on a Saturday day. I stopped it multiple times and asked myself what the hell did I just watch? I processed this movie while watching it because it was too real! I love Laura Dern! Love her and I hated her so much in this movie. Couldn’t stand her and when she won the Oscar for her role, I knew that she acted amazing in this film. The fight scene scarred me because it reminded me of my childhood. I sat there and was scarred to keep watching it.
Marriage Story Trailer
17. Christopher Robbin
This was the movie that I didn’t expect to be as good as it was. I was expecting to like it but didn’t think I would leave loving it! The first time I watched this movie was with my buddy Kjell, Madilyn, and Kaelene. As I was sitting in that theatre, I came to realize how much of a workaholic I was. I was married to the mind set of school and work and didn’t live. I didn’t let the things in life that matter most happen. This movie helped me to slow down and actually live a little. Rather, I left that movie theatre with a bigger appreciation for life. I left and had a moment where I reevaluated my life. I looked at where I could find moments to just life. I struggle with living in the moment. Rather, I’m addicted to work and making things perfect. Christopher Robin was the slap in the face that I needed to wake up.
Christopher Robin Trailer
16. The Amazing Spider-man 2
I love Spider-man! He is my favorite superhero and go back and forth which film I love the most with him. Then I think about the boundary’s scene in this movie, it takes the cake. This scene is my favorite scene ever! I love it so much. It’s hopeful, funny, and so true with my relationships. The moment when you go from dating and try to be friends with your ex. It’s a struggle and this scene is the greatest thing I’ve ever seen. Plus, the most perfect song is playing in the background, Song for Zula by Phosphorescent. Sometimes, I wish I could have a killer song in the background of my dates. Andrew Garfield is my favorite Spider-man because he is the one that I can relate the most with. He’s edgy, rides a skateboard, and has a photography hobby. He’s a little moody and wants the girl but can’t have her. Peter Parker and I are very much alike. I love the rollercoaster of emotions that Peter Parker experiences in this movie. He’s relatable and someone worth fighting for. I’m also a big fan of Emma Stone! Big Fan!
The Amazing Spider-Man 2
15. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part One
Harry Potter movies ending in the beginning of the decade was one of the saddest things for me. When the Harry Potter films were over, it felt like I was saying goodbye to childhood. Harry Potter is one of the greatest things that has ever happened to my life. These books not only got to me to read but have taught me valuable lessons. I love them so much! Part one is my favorite movie because it is the most like the books. It’s hopeful, dark, and scary. This is the first time we see our three heroes grown up and not in school. They are taking on the world alone for the first time. This is how I felt when this movie came out. I was leaving home and not sure what was going to be in the unknown. It was scary time for me. This film helped me mask my insecurities with life. My favorite part in this movie is when Hermione Granger reads the tale of the three brothers. The illustration is mesmerizing.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part One
14. Lady Bird
This movie is by far the funniest movie that I have ever watched! Story time! I wanted to watch it really bad but choose not because of the rating. I had a Friday night class that got over at 8:30 and by the time I took the bus back home, I got back around 9:20. I was tired one week and couldn’t wait to get home and watch a movie instead of going out with my friends. I walked in the front door and one roommate is making out with his girlfriend in the living room. Look in the kitchen and another roommate is making out with his girlfriend. I made a mad dash to my room. Got there and realized that all my movies were in the living room. So, I decided to rent to Lady Bird instead. I was watching this movie and I laughed so hard! So hard that I fell off my bed and couldn’t stop laughing. This movie is just way too funny for me. I couldn’t stop laughing at all and I’m glad that I didn’t watch in theatres out of fear of getting kicked out like in Easy A. This beautiful coming of age story reminded me of my older sister and mom’s relationship. It shows that one’s coming of age is another’s farewell. How when one grows up the other’s life is kind of ending. Greta Gerwig kills it in the writing and directing of this story. It was the perfect breath of air that I needed at a time that was rather confusing for me.
Lady Bird Trailer
13. The King’s Speech
This movie is an inspiration to me. As a child, I looked at my heroes as invincible and not having any falls. As I have grown up, I have struggled with not being perfect myself. I struggle with being a perfectionist. This movie inspires me to work through my struggles and turn them in to positives. In this film, the king has a speech issue and has to get a speech therapist to help him deliver a famous speech to the people. Prince Albert must take his biggest flaw and use it to gain respect, trust, and love from the people that he governs. In the beginning, the microphone is shown as something of terror to the King. This is how I feel about my weaknesses. They scare me and I try really hard to hide them. Then at the end of the movie, the microphone becomes his greatest strength as he delivers the most powerful speech of his career. My favorite scene is when the therapist tells the king to use profanity to overcome his weakness. It’s the most memorable because of the power that comes from using curse words. I think that in life, curse words should be used carefully. This movie shows just how powerful they can be in our lives. This scene is one that has made me question the language that I use in the world. Another powerful scene in this movie is when the therapist sits in the thrown and won’t get up. It’s in this moment that the king realizes that he has a voice. That hit me hard and made understand that words are powerful. That we all have something to say. Words can be used to change the world, we just have to use them carefully.
The King’s Speech Trailer
12. Little Women
I really am sucker for Saoirse Ronan and Greta Gerwig together! Most people loved Lady Bird over Little Women, but I actually think the opposite. Growing up with a single mother and two sisters in Washington State, I was taught to value the education and advancements of women in society. Part of that idolatry came from learning from Little Women by Louisa May Alcott. I remember reading the book for the first time in the seventh grade. However, I’ve never loved any of the adaptions of it. I’ve hated them all till 2019! Greta makes this movie a time piece and I love it! I love that uses many different elements like lighting to depict the change in time. I love how the time element also pulls at your emotions to make you feel different emotions as the story is being told. However, the scene where Jo is telling her mother that she is so lonely is the one that got me! I connected to well with that moment. Truth is, I value women and I think they are fit for more than just marriage. I struggle dating in Utah because so many women in Utah just want to be married and have children. When I get married, I want my wife to have ambitious and want more out of life too. I want to help her accomplish the goals that she has for herself. Because I have this mindset towards women and my future wife, I find myself so lonely. I feel that this movie is best version of Little Women that is out there!
Little Women Trailer
11. The Help
For a long time, The Help was my favorite movie. Kind of sad seeing it just missing the top ten of my list. I have read this book seven or eight times because I love it so much. This movie was the first movie that got me interested in learning more about the African American society in America. It opened my eyes to racism and helped me to understand that there is more that we all need to do to be better. I love how this movie shows that it takes both races to come together to find a solution to the situation of racism. Emma Stone is one the greatest actresses and this movie helped me to discover her. I also feel that this film helped prepared me to live in the South for two years. It opened my eyes to another world that I didn’t think existed.
The Help Trailer
10. Hacksaw Ridge
My best friend Josh tried to get me to watch this movie for a long time. Because it was rated R, I kept passing on it. Finally, I watched it and I love it! I watched this movie for the first time when my faith was a little rocky. I was upset, challenged, and unsure how I felt about the way God was trying to stretch me. This movie was a slap in my face to wake up! I love how Andrew Garfield’s character never alters from his beliefs. I love how he uses his faith to save millions. It left me altered and changed. It made me realize my faith and my trails that I experience in life are really not that big of deal compared towards others. I loved how bold Garfield’s character is with dating. It made me realized how I needed to step up and be bold again. When I first came back from my mission, I was bold! I asked a girl out while she was on a date with another man! When I got my bad reputation, I had become more scared with dating. So it was a good wake up call to me. When I start to feel more scarred, I watched this movie and convince myself to do better. I also love how one person who stands for what they believe in can change the world and mindset of so many. The scene where Desmond prays to find more person safe, then goes and find them has helped me to shape my faith. I’ve come to realize how much we can invite God into our lives. He not only has faith but he trusts. Trusting is something that I struggle with.
Hacksaw Ridge
9. Wonder
When I came home from my mission, Racheal Porter told me that I needed to read this book about an ugly kid. I didn’t read it. Then, fast forward three summers later and I find myself reading this book. Wonder is one of my top five books of all time. I feel that everyone should take the time to read it, because it changed my life. When they announced that a movie was going to be made, I was a little apprehensive to watch it because I was scared that they were going to ruin the book that I loved. My buddy Dillon, his sister Abby, and I went to see it and they did it justice! Then, my little sister and I saw it a few weeks later to an almost empty theatre. I was so grateful that the script was word for word with a lot of the book. I felt that the movie did a better job of showing how August’s sister Via was neglected for her brother’s disease. Every time I watch it, it brings more joy into my life. It’s a beautiful story about acceptance that I feel like many people need to know. When I need to be brave, I watch this movie for inspiration. Auggie’s bravery is inspiring to me. Jack Quill is the one that I relate the most to, and his character has made me think about my actions towards others.
Wonder Trailer
8. 1917
The movie that should have won Best Picture in 2020 in my opinion. I was drawn into this movie because of its cinematography. Watching this one on the big screen was one of my highlights in January. Never have I seen a movie that was so perfectly filmed. I love cinematography and sound so much and I think it can help convey emotion more than words can. This movie is breath taking! The filming left me in awe and the story line is epic. I was rather excited to watch this movie because we have a lot of good depictions of World War II but not many of World War I. I loved the fighting in the trenches, and I loved how this movie shows how different modern warfare is. Watching this movie for the first time, I had no idea how it was going to end, it left me on the edge. The story line kept me hooked and I felt all sorts of emotions.
1917 Trailer
7. JoJo Rabbit
I can’t express enough about how amazing this movie is, and I think that everyone needs to watch it! At first, I didn’t want to watch a movie that made fun of World War II. World War II is my favorite thing to learn about in history. I struggled with the trailer. Then, Ellen was talking it up and it won an Oscar. So, I decided that I would give it a try. This was one of the last movies that I saw in theaters before COVID-19 shut everything down and I’m so glad that I got the chance to see it on the big screen. It is funny, sad, happy, and angry all wrapped up in two hours. This movie stretches the mindset that what we are taught about others might not be right. We learn that we must go to the actual source and learn from others about their experiences. It teaches that we need to see through other’s eyes and to expand our idea of thinking. JoJo teaches us so many life lessons that you can’t help but fall in love with him. However, it’s the character development of Adolf Hitler that interests me the most. As JoJo’s mindset of Hitler changes, we see Hitler change as well, and that’s all I’m going to say about that. If you haven’t seen this movie, I urge to do so! There are many life lessons to be learned from it. For anyone that has seen this, you’ll never look at shoes the same!
JoJo Rabbit Trailer
6. La La Land
Fun fact, I hate musicals. They sing way too much for me. So, I found myself in a movie theatre with friends about to watch La La Land and didn’t think I would like it at all. I left that movie theatre and instantly bought the soundtrack. I love everything about La La Land! The music, the writing, the cinematography, the lighting, and costumes, and dance routines are amazing. This is my favorite performance by Emma Stone. She is funny, hopeful, and slightly relatable The scene where the man jumping into the pool is one of my favorite shots in a movie ever! My favorite part is the ending. There are so many different life lessons that I have taken from the ending. The last twenty minutes is usually the part that everyone hates about this movie, but I wouldn’t change it all! I love that they don’t end up together (spoiler). I love that they show what live would have been like had some changes and attitudes were different. However, I also love that they both use their relationship to better their lives. I strongly feel that there have been some relationships that I needed to have in life to be where I am now and this movie illustrates that. The piano playing is something that will enter my mind and I can never get it out. My twenties have been spent going after many dreams. This movie inspires to not give up on them when I’m down. Rather, keep pushing towards them.
La La Land Trailer
5. A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood
I love Mr. Rogers and Tom Hanks! This movie gives me both! Honestly, what more could you ask for? Five minutes into watching this movie and you forget that you are watching Tom Hanks and you think you are actually watching Mr. Rogers. Tom Hanks’ acting in this film is one of the greatest things I’ve ever witnessed. I love that this film is rather an episode of Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood. I was taken back to my childhood the minute I started watching this. I am also not a crier. I hate crying, especially in public. The first time that I watched this, I cried so hard that I couldn’t hold it back. Right there in the Ogden movie theatre. I sobbed so hard. It taught me a lesson on forgiveness that I was needing to hear. God was trying to teach me this lesson for months and I wasn’t listening. Then, I watched this movie and I realized that I needed to listen to what God was saying. The scene where Mr. Rogers asks Lloyd to take a moment and think about all the people that loved us into being us is the most powerful moment of my life. The first time I watched this, I was shocked to realize how many people were coming to my mind. It was an experience like no other. Mr. Rogers is one of my inspirations in this life and this movie did him justice.
A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood Trailer
4. Brooklyn
There is no doubt that I am a sucker for a good romantic comedy! I love them and I think Brooklyn is the greatest. I’m often sad that not many people know this great film. I feel like it’s my destiny to inform the world of this epic love story! This movie tells the story of an Irish lady that comes to America in the 1950’s. Ellis Lacy is played by my favorite actress Saoirse Ronan, and she shows the hardships of moving without anyone to a new country. Since graduating high school, I have had four major moves where I’ve completely uprooted myself without family. It’s beyond hard and this movie does a great job of expressing the emotions that I have felt through this process. Whenever I’m home sick, I think of the line where the preacher tells Ellis that “homesickness is like most sicknesses. It stays for awhile till it finds someone to effect.” The concept of home is something that this movie has helped me to understand. Living away from home, you learn that you have to create your own. That is exactly what happens in this film. The differences on the boat rides has been something that always sticks out to me. I love how the second is rather passing on the education to others that we’ve obtained. This is something that I always want to do. It’s one of the reasons I have this blog. Everyone that watches this movie instantly talks about how much they hate her mother. Her mother is actually my favorite character and I feel so sorry for her. I’ve often asked myself how would I act and behave if I was in her situation. My heart yearns for Mrs. Lacy.
Brooklyn Trailer
3. The Secret Life of Walter Mitty
I discovered this film thanks to Racheal Porter. She was convinced that this film was one that I needed to watch post coming home from my mission. I kind of refused to watch it at first. Then, many other people started telling me that this movie reminded them of me. Finally, I gave in and I watched with Racheal. Little did I know, I would fall in love! This movie does remind me of me, and it channels my need for adventure in life! When I get scarred to do the next thing, I place this movie on or ask myself what would Walter do? When I had an internship that I hated, I would listen to this soundtrack to make it through the days. The music in this movie is one of my favorite soundtracks! Once again, can we talk about the cinematography? The scenes that have writing on them are some of my favorite ever created! EVER! They allow written words to drive the story forward and that is so compelling to me.
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty Trailer
2. The Theory of Everything
I love a good movie that makes you feel emotion and also makes you think. For me, that is what this movie does! The first time that I watched it, I was in my first apartment in Provo and I watched it alone in my bed. Unsure on what I was going to see, I sat there and just felt all emotions that I had been bottling for a while. This movie released so much out of me. With a recent break up, depressed from coming home from my mission, and recovering from a torn Achilles, this film woke me up! This movie tells the story of Stephen Hawking and shows how he overcame the obstacles that he had to face in the world. He pushed through them and didn’t let his illness define who he was. Rather, he worked through it and still accomplished amazing things. The soundtrack has been on my study playlist for years now! It’s a beautiful film that always makes me push through hard thing that I have to face in life. One of my favorite things to do is watch this movie in the eyes of others as they witness it for the first time! I’ve made all of my friends watch this, and I love to see the emotions that this movie evokes out of them. I also hate the way Stephen treats his wife after a life of sacrifice and love. This movie has taught me how to love and treat others. To be more grateful for the people that are in my life and the role that they have played.
The Theory of Everything
1. Dunkirk
Christopher Nolan’s take on the war of Dunkirk is my favorite movie of all time! I’ve seen this movie 7 times in theaters and was in an awe every time. The weekend that it came out, I saw it three times in the same weekend. This movie tells the story of three stories in one at different time intervals. With limited words, this movie had me speechless and I always feel some sort of emotion as I watch it. I can’t speak enough about the cinematography in this film. It transformers you into this war and you feel like you are a part of the ride! Those fighter pilot scenes with Tom Hardy are something else. I was rather upset when this movie didn’t win the Oscar for Best Cinematography because how amazing it is. I’ve never seen something beautiful and intense as this movie. Everything about this movie is perfect in my mind. The character arches, the movement, the rush of excitement, and the wondering of what is going to happen. It’s a perfect war movie. I’ve watched this movie so much that I’m grateful that I bought a digital version out of fear that my dvd would get too scratched.
Dunkirk Trailer
The past decade has given me some amazing movies. I can’t wait to see what this decade will bring. I yearn for the days where I get to go back to the theaters and get that large popcorn!
One of my best friends always says that she is Lizzoing. She lets out her inner Lizzo and becomes empowered to be her true self. Well, that friend and I have come to realize that I have Billieing lately, or for a few months. I’m obviously talking about the biggest music star at the moment, Billie Eilish. My inner Billie has been coming out hard.
When We Fall Asleep Where Do We Go? Album
A little history. I’ve been a fan of the haunting singer since 2017. First discovered her when Bored was featured on the 13 Reasons Why soundtrack. I then went on this kick where I couldn’t get enough of her music. My poor roommate at the time had to listen to her and Sufjan Stevens on the repeat. When When We All Fall Asleep Where Do We Go? came out, I had just experienced a breakup, and I began to binge Billie once again. Lately, she’s been all that I can find to express the feelings that I’ve been feeling inside, and it’s been spilling out to my normal life now. (Side note, I will say, it was a little purchasing this album cause the album cover is so creepy!)
Everything I Wanted has been the emotions that I’ve felt like one of my friends ends his time in this state and begins a new journey. I once had a dream that the two of us were going to remain closed for an extended period and that our paths would be together for much longer. However, I think that dream has turned into a nightmare! That dream haunts me as I’ve come to realize that life doesn’t play out the way we want it to. In this song, Billie sings about changing the individual to show him or hor to see themself in a better way. My friend needs to understand his self-worth and realize how incredible he is. In the music video, Billie kills herself and her brother (her best friend) in a car as a symbol for how she wishes they could remain the way she had it in her head. I wish every day that I could have the dream that I dreamed, but that won’t happen.
When the Party is Over is how I feel about leaving Provo. I loved, LOVED, living in Provo. However, that party came to a close in December. I officially moved out of Utah County in January, and it’s been a lot harder than I thought it would. This transition has been the hardest one that I’ve ever had in my life. Provo is where I found myself and has had the biggest impact on my life. Also, in January, I said goodbye to my best friend as he moved across the country, and I can’t communicate with him for the next 12 weeks. Our party is done for a season, and it’s so hard not just to text him. I didn’t realize how much I needed my best friend in this life till he was gone, and I couldn’t speak to him. I miss him deeply, and I can’t wait to be able to text him a hello. For the first time, I don’t have him to listen to me without judgment and to not judge me for the way my brain works. I find myself lying to myself and saying that I like it like this, but I don’t.
You Should See Me In a Crown is how I feel professionally. A great empowering song about taking others out and successfully raising to the top. I find myself having to fight day after day to be taken seriously or to have successful ideas heard. My voice is something that never gets heard, so I have to show my worth through actions. So, I find myself having to find the motivation to fight to be on the top, more than ever right now. I find that I have to continually prove that I’m of worth at work, and I know what I’m talking about.
Come Out, and Play is how I feel about my dating life and my new ward. As an introvert, dating is hard for me at times to feel like I connect with others. Dating lately has not been so successful for me. Keep striking out! This song is about hiding your talents and being shy. It’s been tough for me to open up lately on dates and in my new ward. I don’t feel comfortable in this ward, and I feel like everyone is either being fake or thinks I’m weird. I have found myself closing off more and more lately. I don’t know how to not open up at the moment. I don’t know how to make friends with these people, especially since they all seem to have their cliques. So, I’m just hiding in the back at the things that I attend. I’m more reserved than I’ve ever been to.
Lastly, Ocean Eyes is how I feel alone in my room each night. This sad, depressing song is a lot of different feels and emotions. My blue eyes are something that I don’t want to look at these days because I know that I will genuinely see into them and the emotions, feelings, and thoughts that are going on behind them. I’m not ready to face what lies behind my ocean eyes. I don’t want to have to admit that I am rather alone each day. That I didn’t feel like I have connections in this world I’m in.
So, my Billie is hard to contain at this moment. On a side note, she inspires me to be more creative and embrace my inner weird/creepy side. She’s helped me make some of my best work to date.
My goal for 2019 was to fail, and boy did I accomplish that goal. I seemed to find failure in just about everything I tried to do. I failed at love, especially with one girl in particular. I failed at being a good roommate. I failed at three significant friendships. I failed at my job multiple times. Lastly, I was unable to realize that I had something that I loved so well, and I threw it all away.
I was so super excited for 2019 for the aspect that I couldn’t wait to date one person in particular. I loved her, and I was a little too crazy for her. However, I don’t think she and I were ever on the same page. We couldn’t ever make it work between us, and like all good things, it eventually died. I said goodbye to the one person that I ever really loved. That one was hard.
My next major failure of the year is the one that I’m the most embarrassed about. I failed about being a good roommate. In 2019, I lived with a friend, and I didn’t fully realize that he was struggling until it was too late. I left him alone because I knew that he was one that wanted space. Then, last few weeks, I came to realize how unhappy he was. I failed to be an excellent roommate to him and then tried to help him hard. Once I came to see how unhappy and miserable he was, I worked way too much to bring him happiness. In doing so, I feel that I pushed him away. This is the failure that I am most sorry. I feel so bad that I waited too long to do anything or even say anything. I had some inklings but failed to act on them. Then, I tried way too hard to overcorrect my behavior, and it wasn’t what he wanted. I failed my good friend. I failed him, and I’m so sorry about that. I doubt that he will ever read this, but to him, I truly am sorry. I let pride and fear get in the way of being there for someone that needed someone.
There are three friendships that I saw diminishing in this past year. One, I was too prideful to make anything happen. One, I came to see selfishness, and I have accepted this departure in my life. The last one, we were able to go back to where we were with a text, but I was too prideful to send the first one. I wasn’t that great of a friend this past year. I was rather selfish and in my world. I let myself down in this department overall. I allowed myself to get fixated on all sorts of things instead of being there for the people in my life.
When my personal life got hard, I turned to my job. I focused harder on creating campaigns that I could be proud of. I made some career highs and had some memorable moments. However, I had to take risks and I had to stretch in ways I didn’t think could happen. In doing so, I saw many campaigns not be as successful as I hoped them to be. In work, I learned that I had forgotten how to market at times properly. I failed time and time again. I even lost an asset after working countless hours on it. I was embarrassed about that one. Failing at work has made me evaluate if I also believe in the product that I’m trying to market. This failure is the one that I’m the proudest of this year.
I think it can be human nature to take things for granted. I’ve often had thoughts of wanting to change and not being grateful for my current situations. So, I forced a whole lot of new changes in my life. As I sit in a new world, I reflect on how blessed my life was, and I never fully saw that now. Two weeks ago, while sitting on a friend’s couch at home and asking lots of questions in the realm of dating, I came to realize how lucky I am to not be married this long in life. I have been so selfish and fixated on the aspect of being single. I have failed to see that at the moment, I was lucky to have the roommates that I have had in Utah. These roommates and connections have helped shape me, have taught me how to love in different capacities, and how to care for others. I’ve spent this year thinking wrongly about my life situations.
My thought and intentions were to get this post posted before 2020, but I have failed at doing so. I read this book about failure at the beginning of 2019, and I thought it was a new aspect to try to fail. I wanted to be comfortable and look at how failure can be a positive and learning experience. I don’t think I accomplished this overall goal because failing still sucks. As a perfectionist, it’s not fun to not succeed fully. However, I have come to realize that we should take failure as something to be evaluated and see what can be changed. Here’s to hoping 2020 is full of achievements.
The end of the year is nearing us, which means it’s time for my Nast album. The tradition of my Nast mixes dates back to my Montana days. As a cold and immature freshman, I needed something that made life enjoyable. The area of the nast began. It became traditional for me to create an end of the year album to describe the year that I had. There is a song for each month, a song of the summer, and a song of the year. Last year, I gave content to why each one reflected each month. This year, I don’t think that would be fair to others. 2019 was a year full of adventures that were up and down. I had major surgery. I gained some weight. I lost the weight. I fell into love. I got my heartbroken. I lost a friend. I made some new close friends. I thought I was losing my job. I embarked on a leap of faith. I went back to school. I worked a lot. I found yoga.
I listened to a lot of Taylor Swift, Shawn Mendes, Khalid, Billie Eilish, Kacey Musgraves, The Lumineers, Jonas Brothers, Jake Owen, Macklemore, and Dean Lewis. I love albums more than anything! Picking songs is harder for me than albums. The storyteller in me feels that the collection is the most intimate thing that an artist can produce. I love exploring the emotions that the artist is feeling. Hopefully, my album of the year can help tell the story of the year that I have had.
So, here is my Nast of 2019, and I will let you decide the context for each song.
January: Juice by Lizzo.
February: 7 Minutes by Dean Lewis.
March: Burry a Friend by Billie Eilish.
April: Senorita by Jake Owen.
May: Neon Moon by Kacey Musgraves with Brooks and Dunn.
June: Happy When I’m Sad by the Jonas Brothers.
July: Gloria by the Luminners.
August: Twenty One by Khalid.
September: Lover by Taylor Swift.
October: You Need to Calm Down by Taylor Swift.
November: Loose You to Love Me by Selena Gomez
December: Memories by Maroon 5
Song of the Summer: Cross Me by Ed Sheeran and Chance the Rapper.
Song the Year: When the Party’s Over by Billie Eilish.
I moved to the mountainous place of Provo, Utah, on August 17, 2015. I brought two suitcases and a duffle bag and changed my whole life after ending my mission. Wide-eyed, heartbroken, and excited, I entered the capital of dating and embarked on a world that I never imagined. I only moved to Provo because my best friend convinced me that I needed to go there. Living in Provo has been a bit of a rollercoaster with many high highs and low lows. It’s where I’ve seen the enormous amount of growth in my life. It’s taught me how to love myself, love others, appreciate learning, and how to love a town. I have lived in four different places, and I feel that each location has defined a different era of my life.
Phase number one was the squeaky clean return missionary. Scared and taking a leap of faith, I moved into an apartment with three random people. It was the first time that I was doing something for me with the help of God. Little did I know that that apartment would be the place that I would find who I was post-mission. It’s where I discovered what I wanted in life. I gained two of the greatest friends that are more like my brothers in this phase of my life. The song that defines this time is Ophelia by the Lumineers.
The next phase is the Gatsby / Man-whore time of my life. At the hight of my success in school, dating, socializing, and popularity, I found myself starting to live the Gatsby life. I threw all sorts of themed parties for the most exciting people. Gatsby becomes my nickname around others, and I embraced the haircut. As the Fella with the Hella Good Hair, I was unstoppable. I was going on at least five dates a week with a wide array of women. The goal was to make a name for myself. Those looking for me could usually find me in a hot tub. However, I watched my kingdom come crashing down. First among the peers of my mission. Then it was in my ward, and eventually, it would be among my roommates. I was labeled as a man-whore, and ostracized for it. No one would even sit with me at church, not even my roommates. This reputation that I tried so hard to protect was ruined, and I went into hiding. I focused on what mattered most: family, education, career, and close friends. I went entirely off social media, I kept the blinds shut, and I found ways to hide from the world. The song that defines this time is Can’t Keep My Hands to Myself by Selena Gomez.
I moved into a loft apartment on the north side of Provo, started a new job at the University of Utah, and said hello to phase number three: the Young Professional. This was my redemption! A chance for me to start completely fresh with no one knowing me. It was the opportunity to clear my name, image, and focus on the transition to working a full-time job with no education. I found that I loved working but missed going to school. I felt so strong that I needed to continue my education to the next phase, and I was able to make that happen. I discovered that I loved Provo with all my heart at this moment in life. Driving to SLC each day just made me more excited to come back home to Provo. I loved the safety that I felt in Provo. North Provo is much quieter, and I loved that I could experience being among the working folks. The song of this phrase is Mystery of Love by Sufjan Stevens.
My last move in Provo is where I’m at currently. It’s been a short period and is known as my Mr. Mom phase. This is by far the happiest that I have ever been in this town. I have a close-knit of friends that allow me to live my life the way that I want to. I have complete control of my narrative for the first time. I get the chance to serve many people, and I’m looked at as a mom to some great people and a manny to one great kid. I’ve grown up, and I’m living the 9 to 5 with purpose. I’m finishing my education. For the first time in a long time, I’m genuinely happy. I’m excited to experience each day with a sense of adventure. I feel like I don’t have to impress others because I don’t have the time for it. Instead, the time that I spend with others is meaningful and gives me a sense of pride. I’ve found my niche in this town. This phase is all about how loving every part of my life, including the rough days. It’s a hopeful time for what’s next.
Penguin Brothers for the win!
Provo is a town that you get what you want from it. It can be the most rewarding and beautiful place if you let. It can be annoying and date-centric. What you look for and want, you can get in this place. So, be careful what you wish for when you move here. Worst of all, you might find yourself loving it. As much as I tried to leave Provo with just two suitcases and a duffle bag, I will leave with much more one day. I’ve truly created a life here.
My favorite holiday is upon us: Thanksgiving! This is my marathon each year. The one day out of the year that I get eat all that I can, wear my stretchy pants and sit on the couch without feeling bad. Thanksgiving is also the time of year that I post my Wonder list. Wonder is by far my favorite book, and I owe one individual a big thank you for introducing me to it when I came home from my mission. This book has really changed my life. My favorite part is when Auggie Pullman discovers all the wonders in his life. I’ve adapted this concept on my blog for the past three years. 2019 was a crazy year, and I wouldn’t have made it through it without a support system.
This year, I felt like I would change the layout a little bit and let you know first who my wonders are, and then explain why they were a wonder for me. So drumroll, please…..My wonders are (in no particular order):
– The Cordons
– The Unholy Trilogy: Ben Jones and Sean Cooney
– My sister Hailey
– Miranda Miller
– Ashley Raymond
– Levi Leavitt
– Tyler Vonhatten
– Baylee Jamison
– Ben Leimbach
– Aubri Brown
First up, the Cordons. My best friend, Josh, and his lovely family got bigger this year. Little did I know that there was room in my heart for Ms. Anne. I couldn’t be more grateful for this family and how much they have helped me in ways that I couldn’t think of. I love that Todd calls me up and won’t talk to me. Todd is the best God Son ever. He is so happy to see me the majority of the time and never delighted when I put him to bed. Even Copper grew in my heart this year. Taking Copper on runs had helped me to feel more like me when I was lost and trying to get rid of surgery fat. I love how our friendship continues to grow in different avenues as life changes with us.
The Unholy Trilogy got to reunite this year! I couldn’t have been happier to have my two partners in crime together again. These two men have helped to shape me into the person that I am and have been there for me in a lot of big life moment. I love that getting back together was like no time had passed. They make me laugh daily in the only group chat that I’m excited to be a part of it. Growing together in different avenues has been something that I cherish so much. I really struck gold when I got to be their random roommate back in 2015. I am so grateful that these men teach me not to take myself so seriously and that I can accomplish all things.
Hailey is the greatest sister one can ask for! She has been the greatest blessing of my life
and, indeed, my best friend. Hailey is always there for me and helps me when life gets stressful. When I have a terrible day, she is there to help me stop the massive anxiety attacks that strike me. She is the ear that listens to me. This year, we both got to relay on each other in different ways as life has stirred our paths in many different ways. We had a lot of fun in May when she got the chance to come to Provo for a week. I think the highlight was the creepy neighbor getting arrested.
Miranda Miller is one of the most exceptional individuals to have on your side! Besides her infectious personality and witty smarts, she is there when you need to cry out or play hooky for a day. She will be there to tell you to slow down and take a breather. She will be there to remind you that life is meant to be enjoyed. This fearless woman roars to all those she comes in contact with! It’s been exciting to watch her grow into the strong woman that she is this past year. I wouldn’t survive life in Utah without her! We learned that anyone can look right with the right lighting and the perfect filter this year.
Ashley Raymond is the only constant that I have my life this year! Being her neighbor for the third year was my saving grace! When life got hard or unpleasant, it was nice to know that my buddy was just a walk across the street. The best memory of the year was that we finally got to longboard the canyon together! Three years of longboarding together, and we finally did the canyon! We both laughed when I ate it. So funny! I love my fiery redhead friend, who reminds me to live each life as an adventure. Her carefree, adventurous life tells me to slow down and have some fun from time to time. This year, she became my rock in time of need. She was there when I need a friend most.
Levi Leavitt enters the Wonders this year. This guy is one of the hardest working individuals that I have ever met in my life! EVER! I can’t even complain, and I have a busy schedule when compared to his. He was my elder’s quorum president that became one of the good friends this year. I have learned so much from just watching how hard he works at everything that he puts his mind to. He is hilarious and reminds me not to take life or myself so seriously. This is a significant thing as we all know that I struggle with a component of being too much! Having someone from my Provo life at the U the past few months has helped me to mesh the two lives more quickly. More so, I have enjoyed finding ways to help serve him has helped me to not be so selfish in this world. Serving this friend has been one that made me more Christ-like because he doesn’t want to be served. It’s been a unique challenge.
Next on my list is Tyler Vonhatten. I’m so excited to announce that Tyler went from my homeboy at school to my golf buddy! That’s right, I converted another to love the sport that I find the most joy in! Poor Tyler had to watch me try to play golf after surgery recovering, and it was careful not to feel judged for doing so wrong. Walking the greens or hitting the range with him was actually what I needed. Coming back, I was embarrassed to go back to physical activity. Tyler helped me not to feel so bad and instead brought joy back to the game for me. He selfishly was there when I needed an outlet more than ever. He listened to me complain about the dumb aspects of life. I’m lucky that this guy reminds me to have an experience and to enjoy it!
Baylee Jamison is my work buddy! Baylee cracks me up and has made it enjoyable to go to work each day. I don’t really know how we became friends, but we did, and I’m grateful for it! She is a fearless woman that works so hard! She is another individual in the office that is going to school, and it has been nice to have someone to relate to working fulltime and getting another degree. School has been hard, but it’s nice to have a support system and someone to complain about papers with! Baylee has helped me to find joy in my job when there are times that I don’t want. There have been days where I don’t feel important at work because of my age. Baylee has helped me realize how to overcome these obstacles. Plus, the best was when we waited multiple hours in the morning to meet Tom Holland. This is the first time that I let someone in the office see me outside of work. It was the first time that I felt that I actually had a friend at work. Couldn’t have asked for a better person to make fun of the crying girls with!
Ben Leimbach became my boss this year, and I’m grateful for that. Having Ben go from my coworker to my boss has helped me to establish a relationship with him. Before this change, Ben and I didn’t really interact. We bonded over, taking out a lamppost on a snowy day, and that’s when I realized who the real Ben was. Watching him grow into a fantastic leader has been inspiring. Ben is someone that I admire and look up to. In a way, I look at him as a mentor. He gives all that he can to his job and family life. How he does it all amazes me. He works so hard, and I want to one day be as good as he is. I admire how he can lead by example and can make everyone feel important and validated. He has a way of making everyone feel special in their own way.
My last Wonder is Aubri Brown. I’m proud of how much growth she has made this past year. Watching her grow into the woman, she is given me hope and admiration for my own life. She is one that works hard and still can make everyone around them feel like they matter. Being friends with her this year made me like a famous person every time I saw her because that what she does best. She makes everyone feel like their unique talents are needed in this world. She gave me hope that I could grow and become a better person. That there was still room for progress to be made in my life. She made me feel less of a nerd with my Marvel and Harry Potter connections.
I know that the world is the right place because these people are in it. My life wouldn’t have been so great if it wasn’t for these wonderful people. They truly are a wonder!
It’s that time of year again: Movember! Indeed the best time of the year because I don’t have to apologize for not shaving. I hate shaving with all my heart! It’s seriously one the of worst things ever, mainly because I have extra dry skin. Shaving is something that seems like a burden of the to-do lists, and for some reason, society feels the need to say that a clean face is more professional. Utah, as a state, struggles with taking men seriously if they are not cleanly shaven. This is honestly a topic that I can stand on a podium and give a whole speech about. However, my rant is not the purpose of this post. Instead, I love Movember or No Shave November because it sheds light on a topic that I think should be discussed more: men’s health.
Men’s health is something that I became a lot more passionate about recently. Growing up, I was under the mindset that I couldn’t talk about how I was feeling, especially emotionally. Society has taught us that men are not supposed to feel emotions. If we do feel emotions, then there is something wrong with us, or we are gay (not that being gay is a bad thing by any means). The first time that I experienced depression, I had no idea how to get help because I didn’t know that I could ask for it or talk about it. My mission president’s wife would always ask me to let her in and to let her help me, but I had too much pride to admit that I could. I felt like I was a terrible person because I allowed myself to be depressed. Looking back, I was such a narrow-minded thinker.
Having anxiety has made life, not the easiest. I struggle with seeing how things can be accomplished from time to time, and I overstress to the max! Anyone that has seen me overly worked up can tell you that it is not the greatest of sights. I’ve learned a lot about how to manage my anxiety through my education, and that has helped me to look for trigger points in the workforce. However, I still have moments of panic at work, and I have found ways to hide them. I know how to hold them in and wait till I have a chance to use the non-gender bathroom so no one can tell. However, I have been thinking lately about how I should not hide the fact that I have anxiety. Instead, I should use this as a platform to help other people realize that men’s health is something that we should be proud to talk about. We shouldn’t think less of men because their health is not at a so-called level that it is supposed to be at. Men should be able to express the emotions they are feeling!
In February, I had surgery for the first time on my own, and I was embarrassed to talk about it. I had a cancer scare, and I have been going in every quarter to get checked to make sure I don’t develop cancer. Instead of taking a sick day from work, I choose to work from home because I was too embarrassed to face my coworkers as I was healing. I was extremely embarrassed to tell those that lived around me and the world. I have given it much thought as to why I was embarrassed. The truth comes down to the fact that having a cancer scare showed a weakness in me physically. I didn’t want to admit to myself and the world that I have failed and was weak. Men are not allowed to be deemed as inadequate by any means. I think that this is a false mindset because no one but Christ was perfect. We have already set our minds to fail, thinking that we have to be nothing more than perfect. The truth is, men have a weakness. We all have flaws. The difference is how we use our weaknesses to build us up and to learn from them. Our weaknesses should be something to celebrate because they give us so much more to learn out of this life.
We should be encouraging more men to speak up, and we need to unite to help those around us in low times. As men, this Movember should be a chance to help others understand that they have a support system to help them with their struggles and trials. We need to change the mindset of society that men’s health is okay to talk about and to help each other grow. I realized that my November stash could have the opportunity to save a bro! I can’t wait for the first of November to help shed some light on a topic that I’m passionate about. Together, we can build a healthier tomorrow for those around you. The question is: how are you going to do it? I say, you can start by letting your stash grow this November!
First up, the Cordons. My best friend, Josh, and his lovely family got bigger this year. Little did I know that there was room in my heart for Ms. Anne. I couldn’t be more grateful for this family and how much they have helped me in ways that I couldn’t think of. I love that Todd calls me up and won’t talk to me. Todd is the best God Son ever. He is so happy to see me the majority of the time and never delighted when I put him to bed. Even Copper grew in my heart this year. Taking Copper on runs had helped me to feel more like me when I was lost and trying to get rid of surgery fat. I love how our friendship continues to grow in different avenues as life changes with us.
The Unholy Trilogy got to reunite this year! I couldn’t have been happier to have my two partners in crime together again. These two men have helped to shape me into the person that I am and have been there for me in a lot of big life moment. I love that getting back together was like no time had passed. They make me laugh daily in the only group chat that I’m excited to be a part of it. Growing together in different avenues has been something that I cherish so much. I really struck gold when I got to be their random roommate back in 2015. I am so grateful that these men teach me not to take myself so seriously and that I can accomplish all things.
Hailey is the greatest sister one can ask for! She has been the greatest blessing of my life
Miranda Miller is one of the most exceptional individuals to have on your side! Besides her infectious personality and witty smarts, she is there when you need to cry out or play hooky for a day. She will be there to tell you to slow down and take a breather. She will be there to remind you that life is meant to be enjoyed. This fearless woman roars to all those she comes in contact with! It’s been exciting to watch her grow into the strong woman that she is this past year. I wouldn’t survive life in Utah without her! We learned that anyone can look right with the right lighting and the perfect filter this year.
Ashley Raymond is the only constant that I have my life this year! Being her neighbor for the third year was my saving grace! When life got hard or unpleasant, it was nice to know that my buddy was just a walk across the street. The best memory of the year was that we finally got to longboard the canyon together! Three years of longboarding together, and we finally did the canyon! We both laughed when I ate it. So funny! I love my fiery redhead friend, who reminds me to live each life as an adventure. Her carefree, adventurous life tells me to slow down and have some fun from time to time. This year, she became my rock in time of need. She was there when I need a friend most.
Levi Leavitt enters the Wonders this year. This guy is one of the hardest working individuals that I have ever met in my life! EVER! I can’t even complain, and I have a busy schedule when compared to his. He was my elder’s quorum president that became one of the good friends this year. I have learned so much from just watching how hard he works at everything that he puts his mind to. He is hilarious and reminds me not to take life or myself so seriously. This is a significant thing as we all know that I struggle with a component of being too much! Having someone from my Provo life at the U the past few months has helped me to mesh the two lives more quickly. More so, I have enjoyed finding ways to help serve him has helped me to not be so selfish in this world. Serving this friend has been one that made me more Christ-like because he doesn’t want to be served. It’s been a unique challenge.
Next on my list is Tyler Vonhatten. I’m so excited to announce that Tyler went from my homeboy at school to my golf buddy! That’s right, I converted another to love the sport that I find the most joy in! Poor Tyler had to watch me try to play golf after surgery recovering, and it was careful not to feel judged for doing so wrong. Walking the greens or hitting the range with him was actually what I needed. Coming back, I was embarrassed to go back to physical activity. Tyler helped me not to feel so bad and instead brought joy back to the game for me. He selfishly was there when I needed an outlet more than ever. He listened to me complain about the dumb aspects of life. I’m lucky that this guy reminds me to have an experience and to enjoy it!
Baylee Jamison is my work buddy! Baylee cracks me up and has made it enjoyable to go to work each day. I don’t really know how we became friends, but we did, and I’m grateful for it! She is a fearless woman that works so hard! She is another individual in the office that is going to school, and it has been nice to have someone to relate to working fulltime and getting another degree. School has been hard, but it’s nice to have a support system and someone to complain about papers with! Baylee has helped me to find joy in my job when there are times that I don’t want. There have been days where I don’t feel important at work because of my age. Baylee has helped me realize how to overcome these obstacles. Plus, the best was when we waited multiple hours in the morning to meet Tom Holland. This is the first time that I let someone in the office see me outside of work. It was the first time that I felt that I actually had a friend at work. Couldn’t have asked for a better person to make fun of the crying girls with!
Ben Leimbach became my boss this year, and I’m grateful for that. Having Ben go from my coworker to my boss has helped me to establish a relationship with him. Before this change, Ben and I didn’t really interact. We bonded over, taking out a lamppost on a snowy day, and that’s when I realized who the real Ben was. Watching him grow into a fantastic leader has been inspiring. Ben is someone that I admire and look up to. In a way, I look at him as a mentor. He gives all that he can to his job and family life. How he does it all amazes me. He works so hard, and I want to one day be as good as he is. I admire how he can lead by example and can make everyone feel important and validated. He has a way of making everyone feel special in their own way.
My last Wonder is Aubri Brown. I’m proud of how much growth she has made this past year. Watching her grow into the woman, she is given me hope and admiration for my own life. She is one that works hard and still can make everyone around them feel like they matter. Being friends with her this year made me like a famous person every time I saw her because that what she does best. She makes everyone feel like their unique talents are needed in this world. She gave me hope that I could grow and become a better person. That there was still room for progress to be made in my life. She made me feel less of a nerd with my Marvel and Harry Potter connections.
Having anxiety has made life, not the easiest. I struggle with seeing how things can be accomplished from time to time, and I overstress to the max! Anyone that has seen me overly worked up can tell you that it is not the greatest of sights. I’ve learned a lot about how to manage my anxiety through my education, and that has helped me to look for trigger points in the workforce. However, I still have moments of panic at work, and I have found ways to hide them. I know how to hold them in and wait till I have a chance to use the non-gender bathroom so no one can tell. However, I have been thinking lately about how I should not hide the fact that I have anxiety. Instead, I should use this as a platform to help other people realize that men’s health is something that we should be proud to talk about. We shouldn’t think less of men because their health is not at a so-called level that it is supposed to be at. Men should be able to express the emotions they are feeling!
Pursuit of Love 